Makati is never a strange place for me anymore since I took my first step here back in July 2009. It was quite difficult to adjust my life here in the first few weeks, and after having some bad encounters at Caspo, I thought about giving up on this place. I thought I would never want to be back here again, irregardless where I would be elsewhere. But somehow, I was blessed with a few good things in life once in awhile, like I had some crazy fun outings here with new friends, I've learned an industry I never thought I'd lay my hands on...and I have tried to spice things up with someone special to me...I even had my worst health here....so much memories flooded me. So, when I knew I have a better opportunity with Stellent, it strikes me like "I must take this new challenge, because I might not know it, but I may be loving this place & this life here already"... I was never this sure that I want to be back here...Makati city PHP
But now, why would I feel like I don't belong here anyway?
Why would I miss HOME so much, that it's so much stronger compared to that of my first visit to Makati? Why would every time I think of those happy times I had in that last 3 weeks, I would just puff another ciggie away, hoping I too can puff away those memories I had? HOME as not only dad & mom...I miss everyone and everything way back there, a place I really call HOME because it's complete.
I'm always feeling as if SOMEONE is waiting for me to be back again...
Every time I'm getting a little bit comfortable of my life here, there's just a voice telling me that I don't belong here. A voice I do not recognize, but seems so familiar to me. Just like magic. Just so far, yet so near to my heart. It's bugging to an extent that I want to be HOME, I want to know which voice is calling to me.
It's frightening. It's bittersweet.
I wish that voice just go away. I don't want it bugging me anymore. I want that voice to just understand that I have a challenge to accomplish here, and luring me to be HOME now is just too difficult for me to do.
I can't have all the best from both worlds. I can't. Can you hear me? If you can, just give a distance away....but don't forget to remind me occasionally that I still have YOU way back HOME, loving me with every single heartbeat....
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Hey dear, it wasn't so bad after all. I know the voice comes from the word lonely, but please be strong. Remember what you have told me, just a few more months only. Time will pass quickly. You are already coming back in September.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, do you actually have to work until after CNY next year before you can really come back for good? Maybe you can think of shortening that period since you actually need more than 8 months to certified yourself. I think by July, it will be a year. Hence, it's more than enough. I'm not sure. Just a thought considering if you so san fu out there, why wanna make yourself miserable? Money ze ma. You can earn everything. Think about it.
Hahaha....I know I'm being a devil, but I support whatever decision you made.
Can't earn everything, I mean...
ReplyDeletedarl..i know..in fact whn dadmom called just now and jokingly asked if anyone's bullying me here; i confidently told them tht"wht, if there's realy ppl bullying me here, i jst resign n go back home lar~d resignation letter ain't difficult to write wht..~"...haha..
ReplyDeletei'm nt tryin to earn everthg here.earning is just part of survival,not the whole of it.i'm jst being me - a person tht never say give-up too easily, even if it means struggling for some kinda co-existence. just like my expat certification. i knw i want to get it, so i'll get it by whtever means. i may sound so "cow" but maybe this makes me *special* in some ways..
and of cos i knw how much yr care & love had made a special place in my heart.only u knws whn i'm feeling tired,restless or simply lunatic.
jst like how u knw this feeling i'm hving here is called - loneliness
muaks
Bittersweet, life always taste like chocolate, always start with bitter, and u will find tiny bit of sweetness at the end.
ReplyDeleteJust depend of where u r now, not-easy-to-give-up syndrome always makes our life bitter, but u will experience something extra. When u have enough of the extra thing, it’s time to stay sweet.
Me myself, I prefer white chocolate! Sweet all the way! lol
Yes...I know you. You are always the stubborn and neva give up type. Haha...anyway, if you have already decided on what you want and how long it takes to achieve it, I guess I can only support you all the way.
ReplyDeleteHey, if you ever feel lonely again, go and get your butt out from the bed and do something to occupy the spare time. Be it a visit to the gym ka, spa ka, pool ka or whatever.
Buy a book. Read it. Twilight saga quite good. It has 4 series. Enough for the time being. Or go get massage or facial. Or you should learn to cook. Haha...
Just keep yourself occupied and you wouldn't be simply lunatic. Hope to see a cheerful you in September then!
Muaks XOXO