Amends

Amends

I wonder if there will be a morning when you'll wake up missing me. That some incident in your life, would have finally taught you the value of my worth. And you will feel a surge of longing, when you remember how I was good to you.

When this day comes I hope you will look for me. I hope you will look with the kind of conviction I'd always hoped for, but never had from you. Because I want to be found. And I hope it will be you --- who finds me
-Langleav

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amendments

The beauty of words in wisdom
the beast could lay beneath careless assumptions

The songs that once played
can be soothingly humming
and yet ear deafening

The promises once made
brings forth a future of hope
or destroys heart of trust

The beauty of words
The beauty of literature
is only its beauty that lays within
©ar.te.nus\

Lit the fire again

Lost things

Do you know when you've lost something -- like your favorite t-shirt or a set of keys -- and while looking for it, you come across something else you once missed but have long since forgotten? Well whatever it was, there was a point where you decided to stop searchinh, maybe necause it was no longer required or a new replacement was found. It is almost as if it never existed in the first place -- until that moment of rediscovery, a flash of recognition. 

Everyone has one -- an inventory of lost thinga waiting to be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life. 

I think this is where I belong -- among all your other lost things. A crumpled note at the bottom of a drawer or an old photograph pressed between the pages of a book. I hope someday you will find me and remember what I once meant to you. 

Kidnapping

Reposting this from Honey Santiago’s FB page where her friend encountered this new modus operandi: using kids to kidnap kids.

July 20, 2014 around 2pm.

My husband and I were together with our almost 5 years old boy were having coffee and dessert in Sugarhouse Alabang Town Center. While having our tete-a-tete and our son galloping around us, a girl about 6 or 7 years old suddenly appeared and holding our son’s hand saying, “Come, let’s play.” Good thing my son was standing between me and my husband when this happened. Perhaps, sensing something strange, my son, instead of being his usual friendly self, came closer to us looking at me as if asking for permission if it’s ok to play with this girl.

I stared at the girl while she was holding our son’s hand and inviting him to come and play. I interrupted and asked, “Where are you going?” So she just pointed to the direction where the exit is (if you are familiar where Sugarhouse ATC is located, it is pretty much near one of the mall’s exit where commuters have easy ride access and is also near a barangay of squatters).

So I spoke to the girl in English telling her to play where I can see them, asked her questions about her parents or nanny, etc but she just stared at me blankly repeating to my son, “Come, let’s play” while tugging him to join her. It then dawned on me that this girl probably doesn’t understand English and suspicious thoughts started racing in my head so I translated my instructions and my questions turned into interrogations in Tagalog but this time with a stern and authoritative voice since her expressions, answers seems scripted and uncommon for a child. I also looked around and the girl with her age seems to be unsupervised within reasonable distance.

I asked both of them to sit in front of us so I could observe further instead of just going away, my head wrestled with my instinct refusing to believe that a child can be used as an accessory to a hideous crime such as kidnapping. The child sat but was uneasy and can’t keep still. She was just staring at our son not saying a word or anything. I can’t remember if my son tried to talk to her since I was too engrossed in observing the girl and putting pieces of the events that unfolded together.

Here are my observations:

Physical: The girl was presentably dressed in denim shorts, sandals, and a headband. But her legs are full of scars and her front teeth are mostly decaying.

Behavior: Uneasy and can’t keep still; staring at our son while raising her legs seemingly showing off her legs (which is why I noticed the scars).

Conversation: Pretends to speak English when it seems that come, let’s play are the only words she knows. The rest are in Tagalog which can be concluded as scripted.

No adult supervision around. Odd that I asked her to sit near our table with our son and until we left, no one came to pick her up. I offered to bring her to her parents but she just stared at me and pointed towards the exit again. I really looked long and hard but there is just no one visible.

To parents and adults, please be very vigilant in looking after your precious little ones. If you know you have the tendency to zone out or be absent minded or your kids tend to wander off or get friendly, take necessary precautions – talk to your children about strangers, kidnapping, and food poisoning/drugs the way they can understand. Also, be mindful too of other children as we may have to opportunity to save a child or a parent from great torment.

To ATC and other mall management, may you orient the guards and security to also spot suspicious children activities as they are being used as accessories to the crimes.

Most of all, may we increase our prayer life for protection, guidance of our families and children; conversion and repentance of the predators.

Read more:http://www.actlikeaman.org/kidnapping-modus-operandi-metro-manila/#ixzz38NI7UY9H

#kidnap #manila #philippines #children

Liar ! #2 #5 #10

1. A person who is lying to you won’t make eye contact with you or they make too much eye contact. If a person is lying they may feel you are scrutinizing them and they will look down at the floor or away from your eyes. Some people try to stare you in the face in a deliberate way because they feel like making eye contact will make what they are saying more believable.

2. Liars avoid using contractions…. “I did NOT have sexual intercourse with at woman”. This is an attempt by the liar to be absolutely clear what they mean but it ends up making the story a lot less believable. Stalling tactics are also common. The liar may ask you a question like “where did you get that information?” while they try to back peddle and come up with an explanation for your question.

3. Weird Body Language. Liars often fidget, turn away from the person to whom they are speaking, blink rapidly, smile less and have pitch changes in their tone of voice. They may cross their arms which is a sign of being “closed” or trying not to reveal too much information. Sometimes people fidget excessively when they are lying. They could fidget with a part of their body or touch parts of their face, an ear or a nose or play with keys or another item that they have in their hand.

4. Liars provide additional information without being asked for it. They seem to think that by embellishing their story you will find it more believable. What happens is they tend to make the story more complicated and less believable. The more elaborate the story, the more likely that it is a fabrication and nothing near the truth.

5. A person who is telling a lie will get defensive. They will do everything in their power to deflect your attention away from themselves and will get angry that you are questioning their innocence. People who are telling the truth tend to go the opposite way and go on the offense. This will become obvious to you when you are trying to have a conversation with a person and they try to change the subject or move the conversation in a different direction.

6. If a person is lying they tend to over-embellish insignificant details while avoiding important ones. Exaggerated details make the liar feel better, but the person who is hearing the lie will start to get the feeling that something is definitely amiss. This can make it easier to catch a person in a lie because you can jot down details of the story that you are being told and then ask questions about those details later to see if they are still the same.

7. Watch the eye movements of the person. If a person is remembering something they tend to move their eyes up and in a left direction if they are right handed. If they are making something up, their eyes wil move up and to the right. Left handed people do similar movements but in the opposite direction. People blink rapidly (“eye flutter”) when they lie or they may rub their eyes. Eyelids also tend to close a little bit longer than a normal blink if a person hears something or sees something they they do ont like. Hand movements towards the eyes can be a further indication of “blocking out” the truth.

8. Some people sweat more when they are telling a lie. Measuring perspiration is one of the markers of a polygraph test but is not an indication on its own of a person telling a lie. Some people sweat more when they are nervous or if they are shy. Sweating together with blushing, trembling and difficulty swallowing can be a clear better indication that someone that is lying to you.

9. Watch for micro expressions. The true measure of a person’s emotions will quickly flash across their face at the beginning of a conversation. It could be a half smile that lasts for five seconds or a worried look that lasts the same amount of time. These micro expressions are sometimes noticed by people subconsciously and they tend to know right away that a person is lying, although they do not know how they know this. A lot of people tend to feel a “gut instinct” about something such as a person who is lying, and this is usually as a result of seeing a micro-expression during a conversation. The micro expression is quick but if you watch for it you can see it.

10. Ask the liar to repeat their story again. If the story is fabricated it can be very difficult to remember all of the details that they gave to you the first time around. You may notice that the person looks very uncomfortable and worried about what they are going to say to you when you ask them to repeat details that they clearly made up the first time around.

Who should ask?

哪里有彩虹?

告诉我能不能把我的愿望还给我

为什么天这么安静?

所有云都跑到我这里

Rainbows dear rainbows

You have left me alone in this grey again

If the world has only black and white

When can I have my colors again?

Silence dear silence

You have came to me as you always had

If there is only thundering sounds within me

Where is the touch of rythmic freedom again?

Careless whisper, again

Ladies, what’s wrong with us? Why do we always feel like we’re doing something wrong? Why is it always our problem, our issue that needs to be addressed? Why do we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? Why can’t we just be perfect?

When it comes to men, we have a tendency to overthink, analyze and berate ourselves until we’re left with nothing but broken hearts and a closet full of “mistakes” we wish could take back.

We look at our relationships as ships that only we could crash, forcing ourselves to sink along with them. We wish that we could do it all over again and take back everything that drove him away or made him love us less.

We think of all the things we’d do differently. We’d call him less, look through his phone more, stop looking at his phone, play hard to get, play a little easier to get, and the list goes on.

I have a problem with this. I have a problem because after years of punishing myself over failed relationships and long, single statuses, I’ve realized that maybe our biggest mistake is thinking that we’re making any at all.

Why do we give ourselves the short end of the stick all the time? Why do we take the blame for the way he acted or the reason he left? Why do we only see our own failures and mistakes when clearly the problem is his. I’m tired of women thinking that they are the ones always doing something wrong.

I’m tired of women thinking they need to change to be with a man or that a man is a necessary goal for their happiness. We’ve come too far and done too much to keep believing that we are making the mistakes.

So for women everywhere who are crying over, for or under a man, here are the 12 real mistakes you need to stop making, beginning with thinking that you even need one..

Thinking You Need A Man To Be Happy

You do not need a man. You do not need anyone. Everyone else is just distracting you from getting to know yourself. Men come and go, and maybe one day you will find the right one and settle down, but until then, stop trying to complete your life with anyone but yourself.

---

Caring About How You Look

You don’t have to be beautiful for anyone. You don’t owe your looks to men. You don’t owe them big boobs or soft skin. You don’t owe them long legs and silky hair. You don’t owe them skinny torsos and painted toenails. They may ask for it, but that doesn’t mean they have a right to it.

---

Saying Sorry

You haven’t done anything wrong. (Unless you have.) They are not your captors and you are not there to apologize to them. Don’t apologize because your hair is short or your sweater is baggy.

Don’t apologize because you have your period or you don’t want to sleep with them. Don’t apologize because you can’t meet their demands or their requests. You are a woman who needs no apologies.

---

Worrying About Someone’s Needs Over Your Own

Stop trying to make men happy. You are supposed to take care of yourself and worry about your own needs first. Don’t do things for him just because it will make him happy. Don’t value yourself as nothing more than a slave to his demands. Remember, your needs are just as important as are his.

---

Putting Your Worth In Him

Your worth is not determined by any man. You don’t need a man to be happy nor should you judge yourself on the opinion of one.

There’s no reason to think that just because you are single that you are worth less than if you were attached. You are strong and independent, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

---

Wanting More Than He Can Give

Stop looking for a boyfriend in a boy who doesn’t want to be associated with the word. If you know he can’t give you what you want then move on or accept that. Stop trying to turn him into something he doesn’t want to be, because in the end, you will be the only one who ends up changing.

---

Missing Him

Mourning a man is as stupid as crying over milk that hasn’t even spilled yet, a waste of time and only creating more troubles for yourself.

Lamenting over men who will never love you or men you can’t be with will only keep you from meeting the ones who can. Don’t give them your tears, because even tears are worth something.

---

Giving Him All Your Time

Don’t be that girl who forgets about everyone who was there for her before he came into the picture. Don’t let a man take you away from everything you once knew and loved. Because before him, these things were important to you. Don’t give him everything just because he may feel like yours right now.

---

Chasing Him

A strong woman chases no one. If he is worth your time and your love, he will figure it out on his own. Don’t let him think that he’s worth the chase, because the more he runs, the further behind you get.

---

Believing Him

Just because a man says that you’re beautiful doesn’t mean he’ll treat you that way. Men have a tendency to talk out of their asses and putting any worth in what they say is as futile as wishing on pennies.

Men know what will make you happy, but many times they are able to trick you with just the promise of it. Expect nothing from them and you will never end up disappointed.

---

Giving Him Power

Men often may be physically stronger than you, but that means nothing. Do not make them feel like they could ever own you, because no mind nor soul can be dominated by pure strength. Do not become objects to men that they can just buy and sell.

Do not fight against other women for their attention. Do not give them anything more than the same respect you give your sisters.

---

Regretting Him

Regretting men you’ve been with is as fruitless as crying over them. If you did something you didn’t want to do, gave your power away to someone who didn’t deserve it or belittled yourself for his benefit, learn from it. Remember those feelings so you will never do anything to feel that way again.

我不祝福

幾個字 寫寫停停 為了保持禮貌的語氣
幾句話 斷斷續續 確定我們已經不熟悉
偶爾我就恍了神 忘了現在的關係
過去是過去 我的存在不再依賴你
最多幾個深呼吸 最長幾秒鐘遲疑
我就會放下你

我不說我祝福 我不祝你幸福
我不想去証明 我們是個錯誤
放得下就不孤獨 站得遠些就清楚 我不祝福
偶爾我就軟了心 鬆了彼此的距離
寂寞總提醒 我必須先照顧我自己

我要我們明白 不夠愛就放開
不幻想就沒感觸 不期待就不在乎 我不祝福

總有一天 我能控制想念 能上線留言 能簡單面對
矛盾之間 我始終了解
時間不能解決一切

我不說 我不祝福.....

The 'WoW' effect on woman's instinct

"I conned my husband into having an affair… with me

When Pam* suspected her husband was cheating on her, she pretended to be another woman to beat him at his own game. 

*Names have been changed

---

 "Dan* and I were married for more than 20 years. I knew he was a playboy when we started dating.

I married him anyway because I loved him; he'd also promised to change his ways. But I should have known better - a leopard can never change its spots.

Stumbling Upon the Truth

Tall and boyishly handsome, Dan had many friends, both men and women. I was always uncomfortable when he got too close to his gal pals - he loved hanging out with them and even gave them details about our married life.

I had a niggling suspicion that there was more to his relationship with some of them.

I asked him about it several times, but he chastised me for being suspicious. I backed down each time, because I didn't want to destroy our marriage. Besides, I had no concrete proof that he was having an affair.

Then one day, about three years ago, I found evidence that he had been up to no good.

I had taken the day off work to tend to our sick son when I received an urgent text message from my boss, asking me to clarify something.

As I'd left my laptop in the office, I decided to use Dan's, which I'd never used before. I didn't need a password to access it.

While on the Net, I had a sudden urge to look through Dan's bookmarked sites and find out what he did online.

He had a long list of sites, two of which piqued my interest. I clicked on both links - and they led me to dating websites.

The Scam is On

I was calm at first, though I realised I'd stumbled upon Dan's possible dirty secret.

Why would a married man need to be on a dating site?

How long had he been looking at women online?

I must admit that a part of me was actually relieved that I'd been right all along - I hadn't been imagining things when I suspected he was unfaithful.

I just didn't know who the women were and how he was meeting them.

A sudden flash of anger rose inside me and I formed a plan.

The dating sites could only be accessed by members, so I created a false profile for myself.

I was bent on searching for my husband on these sites and confronting him about it.

To conceal my identity, I used a false name and didn't upload my photo.

There were thousands of men on the sites. I knew I wouldn't be able to find Dan's profile within the day, so I sent the Internet links to my inbox to continue the search later.

After a week, I found Dan on one of the sites. He was using a moniker and his profile photo didn't show his face - he was smart enough to evade detection that way - but I recognised the tattoo he was showing off in the picture.

However, I needed more details to confirm that it was him.

So I dropped him a message, saying I loved his cool tattoo and asking if we could be friends.

Taking the Bait

Dan replied two days later. He thanked me for my interest and accepted my friendship request, although he wondered why I had a faceless profile.

I explained that I wanted to remain anonymous in case any of my friends or family were on the site too. I said I would send him my photo once we knew each other better.

My answer satisfied him. He said I sounded gorgeous, given how I'd described myself on my profile. I remember smirking when I read this - if only he knew how I had faked my vital statistics, height and looks to match his fantasy of the 'perfect' woman.

He had told me before that his ideal woman should be tall, curvy and have big eyes.

We started exchanging messages on the site regularly. I noticed that Dan engaged me online during office hours - I did the same - and in the wee hours of the morning, when he thought the real me was asleep.

To avoid being caught at these times, I would only reply the morning after.

Each day, we shared more about ourselves. I told him I was looking for friends with benefits, as I had been hurt before and didn't trust men enough to have a long-term relationship.

He said he was perfect for me, as he was married with children and couldn't commit to anyone else, anyway.

His messages got raunchier.

He started asking me intimate questions - what was my favourite sexual position?

Where was the most daring place I'd had sex in? He also kept asking for my phone number, but I refused, saying I wasn't ready to take the relationship offline.

To appease him, I answered all his questions with vivid details. I told him that if he remained patient, I'd make all his fantasies come true.

Unmasking Dan

We communicated for three weeks before I asked for his photo. I told him I was incredibly turned on by his tattoo and intrigued by his charm, and wanted to know whom I'd been chatting with.

Dan agreed to send one.

I waited with bated breath for it to appear in my inbox. I toyed with the idea of deleting the photo without looking at it - did I want to confirm that it was Dan I'd been flirting with?

Was I ready to accept that I'd been right all this while? But I needed to know for sure if he had betrayed me.

My hands trembled as I clicked on the photo. I closed my eyes as it appeared on the screen - my heart was pounding and I was praying so hard that I wouldn't see Dan's face.

When I opened my eyes, my heart shattered.

The photo showed Dan smiling and looking sexy in his swimming trunks. I burst into tears, losing the composure I'd kept for the past weeks. My worst fears had come true.

I didn't reply till two days later.

I thanked him for his photo and said I'd been busy with work.

He asked for my photo in return.

I suggested meeting up over the weekend so he could see me in person. Dan agreed immediately.

We chose a club away from his usual haunts, and I told him to look out for a woman wearing a red dress.

Sweet Revenge

In the days leading up to the appointment, I was a nervous wreck.

I kept changing my mind about going through with the plan - I knew that once Dan's charade was over, so was our marriage.

I wasn't sure if I wanted that to happen, but I couldn't ignore his infidelity.

When the weekend arrived, I told Dan that I was going out for some me time and would be back later that night.

He asked me not to wait up for him as he was having drinks with friends.

Before I left the house, I gave him a long kiss goodbye, knowing it was the last time I would do so.

I spent the day at the salon, styling my hair and doing my nails. I wanted to look irresistible so Dan would see what he'd be missing.

When I was done, I went to the meeting place before the appointed time.

I sat at the mirrored bar so I would have the advantage of seeing him first.

Dan came on time, carrying a bouquet of flowers and wearing a black sweater and jeans. I steeled myself for his approach. He spotted me immediately and strode over confidently.

I had my back to him and was looking down so he wouldn't know it was me until it was too late.

'Hello, beautiful,' said Dan, as he tapped me on the shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I swung around and said: 'Hello, Dan.'

I watched as his smile froze, his eyes grew wide, and he struggled for an explanation - he said he was meeting friends at the club and was shocked to bump into me.

I told him to drop the act. I said I knew what he had been up to because the 'perfect' woman he had been conversing with online was me.

I told him how I had found out about his activities, and repeated some of the sexual fantasies he had told me about.

I ranted that I didn't understand why he wanted to meet other women when he had me.

I didn't give Dan a chance to explain. I just wanted to get everything off my chest and get out of the club. I was starting to sob hysterically and didn't want others to witness my pain.

They say revenge is sweet, but all I felt was heartbreak.

Starting Over

After that emotional night, Dan tried to make amends.

He pleaded for a second chance, saying we could work things out.

But after much prodding on my part, he admitted to meeting other women online.

He said he was addicted to one-night stands because they gave him a different kind of rush compared with what he experienced with me.

I tried to forgive him. I felt I owed him that, given that we'd been married for over two decades. But I couldn't erase the memory of what he'd done - his betrayal was too hard to swallow.

I couldn't trust him, and what good is a marriage without trust?

We live separate lives now as we wait for our divorce to be finalised.

Dan has moved out of our house, where I continue to live with our son.

People tell me he's still a partygoer and is seen with different women.

I no longer feel pain when I hear about it - I'm just glad I don't have to put up with it anymore."

 

#Late #Repost

Found this old masterpiece stuck in my mailbox, and I'm loving every word constructed in it. Oh my genius, me! Bon appetite .... (huhhh?!??)

**************************


More often than not, we always feel that we are ‘under-appreciated’ (I think this word doesn’t exist, but who cares?!?!---this is a sign of feeling under-appreciated *chuckles

Look. If we are really sincere of all the good deeds we do wholeheartedly, why care if you get appreciation in return? This is such an adverse dogma! *sigh

Yeah. Even though you should give without expecting any return, don’t you think a sincere ‘thank you’ would just rhyme nicely? Highlight is the word sincere, not just ‘thank you’. How many times today up til this very moment; you have said ‘thank you’ without really meaning it from the bottom of your heart?

No one is commissioned to be nice to you. No one in this whole damn world, that’s why. People leave not because it is difficult to deal with you; it’s because they feel you are not worth it. And should people really leave you for this reason, there will be no more turning back.

So be thankful. Be real, and mean it by rejoicing every special moment people have given to you. For some that are specially made for it to make you feel exclusive, remind yourself that you should be extra thankful.

There’s no other way out because this is how the cycle turns.

“cos I can sing a little more, laugh a little more and love myself a little more…from you that I have found the better part of me….”

This is how appreciation works, like magic!!

Scent of morning dew

Here I am in this private garden of literacy again. I am at much relieve that words had not leave me alone, like how sanity did. Amidst these turbulances, I have this only ability to express feelings to the very least. 

Phew, it was such a roller coaster lately. No ups, only plummeting way way down under. At a moment when I thought oxygen is (really) a luxury. It has always. Like living a life not for myself, but for mere survival. Only to breath in out, but not for myself. If suffocation is an alternative, I could have done that. 

No fret. Finally today. Just merely 10 days away from my birthday age; things aren't be the same no more. I've chosen renewal and I am not afraid. Even if I am afraid, it shouldn't last too long. Only the concious mind knows fear. In my cocoon, there's nothing but the sound of silence. Let's hit the button. 

I am watching the sun rise today, in just a few moments away. Local time at 0616 dated 9 Febuary 2014. I am sure this sun rise will not dissapoint me! 

Om Ah Ra Pa Tsa Na Dhi