Remember...

Remember me when I am gone away. Gone far away into the silent night; when you can no more hold me by the hand~nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.....
Remember me when no more day by day...You tell me of our future that you planned. Only remember me, you understand.
It will be too late to counsel then or pray. Yet, if you should forget me for a while...and afterward remember, do not grieve. For if the darkness and corruption leave, a vistage of the thoughts that once I had.....
Better far you should forget and smile~than you should remember and sad....

by Chirstina Rossetti

Song

When I'm dead, my dearest
Sing no sad song for me
Plant thou no roses at my head
Nor shady cypress tree

Be the green grass above me
with showers and dewdrops wet

And if thou wilt, remember
And if thou wilt, forget

I shall not see the shadows
I shall not feel rain
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on......as if in pain
That doth not rise nor set

Happily, I remember
Happily, I forget............

~chirstina rossetti~

Daddy says....

Throw an apple into the air, and it will certainly fall back to ground. This is the rule of Life, my dear......

-daddy Clement-

So you think it's nonsense? I don't think so. My dad is a guy with very few words...but if I ever listen attentively, I can feel that he is just teaching me life like life should be...and I bet this the best gift God have given to me...The quote? No, it's him.

Waiting for God to decide?

A beginning to an end...Or does an end ever promised that there will be a new beginning?

I've always uphold to a belief that there will be every count of transitions in my life that requested me to make choices - usually paired with big sacrifices, much considerations and most of it, I wouldn't know what is ahead of me if I have made the right step. If I can pass through every obstacle that God has given me, I will be blessed with much faith and courage to move on. Half the game is won if only I believed and dare to move ahead.

2009.
God had put me into two biggest, if not hardest, transitions in life.

Love, something I know I have lots of - but never even dare to lose. That four-lettered word which I thought I can handle well as long as I put my both feet firmly on the ground. But yet, I told God that I deserve to live in that dreamy fantasy I've been living all these years. I know there will be no end to this love which has no beginning, but I'm so comfortably trapped in it that I can't release myself. I'd rather not even try to start with a new beginning because i just simply do not have the courage to end. Which, in the end, I know I'm losing myself slowly even if not deadly...in this stream of endless love...

but I thought, God wouldn't be too harsh on me, because I still have a rewarding career and comforting family.

Career is a static variant for me because I've been taught that hard work + sincerity = recognition. It must be some kind of fixed formula set into my soul before I was made a human in my mommy's womb. I was personally proud of myself for every hard work which I implanted in my position; and with much progress made to my subordinates and juniors, I'm positively sincere in branching out my every skills and knowledge. However, little did I know, the Creator had missed to program another equation to me - not every seed that you sow; flowers bloomed. Things are directly telling me it's not working fine. I can't pair the first quote into the second equation because bugs were found in my hardisk and it's already eating away all my recognition!

Hence, this is where i think God had decided to put me into the second transition in life. Maybe He thought that it would not harm much if he add a little more salt to my tweeny wineey little wound - which would certainly help me to grow into a stronger lady.

HE made me choose - to end my career and (be away from) my family, so I might see a some light for my new pursuance in love and another career. Or I can choose to end the love (which I have fought to keep 'til my last breath in my first transition in life as I said earlier) so that I can begin to re-construct the career and family that I have now...

Dizzy izzy....but I choose to go ahead and venture into the new career so that I can keep the love (which I hope will grow eventually) and promised my parents that I will be back for good in no time. I told God, yeah I have made my choice, now I awaits the next transition You will give me then....

but God can sometimes be playful too...God says, now He will take away the previous offer from me and asked me to wait. yes, Wait. Wait and see if He wants me to stay here with me family and the career that I've longed to end - or maybe He will let me leave and begin and new career with my new chance to love again...

to Wait - now is this an end that had no beginning?

=God knows I'm still waiting, but not for long....for shall I be an end to a lifeless beginning?=