my alibi is the best evidence

"...a lonely place to be..and so I learned to depend on me. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all..."

I can finally spell independent into my soul, take up my head and say I have been there, done that. There is a burden on my shoulder all these years, trying to suppress myself. I smile for every vague happiness, and laughed off all hurtful memories. I subcounciously convince myself that I am already at peak, but I've never climbed any mountain at all.

A year had passed, I took my steps. I moved  forward, even farther from where I've stopped earlier. I faced all sorts of ironic happenings life could bring to me. I have never lived stronger than I was ten years back. I didn't tell anyone I needed a coccoon, I want to hide from all those craps. I didn't have the courage, really. I didn't have strength. Really.

By hook or by crook, I bypassed all those craps. I did it myself, and I did it alone. I don't want anyone to come and take the credits away from me. I don't want anyone to come and pull me down to the traven all over again. I don't want to stay put because anyone is not moving forward. I don't even want to slow down just to wait for anyone's pace.

I want to be who I want to be, who I was, how I was -- someone I shaped myself into in just one year's time.

I don't know if I will be lonely, but lonely or not, I will still need to depend on me. And if I should be really lonely, it is even more important that I know how and when to love myself. Even more.