last day of November 2011

So fast it's Wednesday already. And now, the end of Wednesday is fast approaching. There goes the last day of November 2011. Tomorrow will be the last month in 2011. Then gawd knows what happens next year...I wish you can hear me sigh now..~~~~~~

Daddy must be getting ready to board the flight to Japan. I'm happy for him. He always wanted to visit Japan; with Mom in fact. But no one knows what Mom must be thinking. She just refused, irregardless. But I'm convinced that they are both old enough (yes, very old indeed) to decide where and when to go places. I just wish a safe and enjoyable journey to Daddy, and may Guardian Angels be with him all the time. Miss you, Daddy...and come home in pinky health soon. Don't forget my Issey Miyake!

My mindfulness have been quite bad lately. I couldn't recall some of those things that matters to me. I always find myself writing notes on pieces of paper. Or using MyNote at htc to help me remember better. Like moment ago, I was searching high and low for my laptop adaptor. Gawd knows where was it. Downstairs, under the aquarium. I must have left it there when I used the laptop at the living room last ..... week. Yes, I forgot matters that just happened a week ago. And I'm not even 30 yet. Not so soon, at least.

Let's talk about age. I have been thinking what 30 should mean to me, personally. I don't know, I couldn't find a clue. Everythings seems to be changing each day, but I don't feel time flies. People around me still positively (and somehow unpleasant at times) impacting my living the same ol' way they did ten years back. I am still ME...except for a few fine lines erupting from the corner of my eyes. But am counting my blessing as I have accumulated those smiling lines too. I have been good. Not too bad. And that's it!?!? That's my 30 years passed? What about buying my own home and move out? What about get tie the knot like how most of friends my age does? Or what not...experience the wonders (and joys?) of pregnancy? Uh-Uhhh...No ...Hold me back. My imagination is sucking me to a grey anatomy deep in my mind.

If things are meant to be, it will eventually happen. At 30, I am no longer asking 'why'. I'd rather contemplate 'how'. Now I need a man whom can lead me to accomplish the 'how' direction. Why a man? I don't know and I never ask.

what the (hell) week !!

Saturday. Morning. I woke much earlier than I usually do in weekends. Dad and Mom happily waited for me to have breakfast together, and I was already planning what to have while brushing teeth. I drove them out heading to Mama Love Pork Noodles. Yeah, a name too cool for a pork noodle shop ehh. I was waiting for my turn to exit the T junction like usual. I even told Dad that I find most drivers very stupid because they like to speed and give their own car a loud thud crossing the bump. All because they refuse to give way to cars (like me) exiting the junction. And the next thing I know, my car got hit. Real bad. And the rest, I hope is history. The experience at the police station was dreadful, not to mention it was such bad luck to meet a moronic 'runner' of insurance claims.

Sunday. Whole day. Was moodless. No positive aura at all. Not anywhere. Not anything right had yet happen to me.

Monday. At work. I have never met any idiot so acting smart in an organization at all. I hate internal auditors. Especially those dumb and brain-like-asparagus internal auditors.

Tuesday. Medical attention needed. Awfully needed. Chest congestion. Stiffness from my neck, shoulder and under arms. Went to see the panel doctor. Wasn't very attentive, she was even lazy to examine what is really wrong with me and diagnosed - ribs inflammatory. What the H?

Wednesday, Thursday. Still at work. The asparagus brain cells in the auditor's head are growing mushrooms. They become more idiotic everyday. Can't beat their stupidity. When you can't fight them, join them. Let them be. My daddy is not a German, and he definitely don't own the Company. Who cares if Allianz can't survive a disaster after all. I am not the only person affected. If the auditors don't get paid, they can eat their (mushrooms/asparagus) brains out!

Friday. My battery is ... showing red light. Blinking red light. I need to rest. I am truly madly deeply in 'pain'. My chest is painful. My muscles are tight. My heart is broken. My cheating heart....is not broken. I was just hopeless and seriously demotivated. About my passion towards BCM, handled by a bunch of sogged asparagus-like mushroom heads. Auditors' heads to be precise. So, all these lame jokes had resulted to a sick body taking MC. I need some breakaway.

That was such a week. I don;t know what lies ahead. But, if rainbow really exist, please show me some sunshine soon. Cos, it seems like it is still drizzling here.

Health Report Card

There's so much to tell from a few drops of blood for a pathologist. I feel so naked, bare-all and transparent to a pathologist. I imagine him (okay, I imagined the pathologist is a hunk) studying the micro cells in my body...and in blink of eye then able to produce a report revealing if I have been good to my body or not -- in this gawd damn 29 years. He can tell me what sort of damage I have done to my organs because I ignored the facts of nourishment it always needed. He can also guessed correctly if I have been a naughty girl intoxicating myself unnecessarily over the years. He knows my body injuries by analyzing the weak bone structures and over-stressed muscles from prolonged lack of exercises. I am so very extremely see-through now.

This make me feel like waiting for my year end exam report card in school. The teacher with weird looking spectacle frame looked me into my brown eyes and said "Foong Yen, you have not been revising, didn't you...". Geez..chill right down to spine!

Apart from the academic test, career KPI, achievement scores....I just forgot that there's the health report card too. Health and Money. Which is important? Money. Because without money, how do you ensure that you sleep right, eat right and live right? Ever seen a homeless with pinky cheek and tip-top health? But...you've got all the money you can make within shortest notice, and tomorrow you are almost dead. What's the point then?

Everyone got only 24 hours with them. It's how you segregate your time, attention and thoughtfulness that makes you a real person. A real, living person.

Dino-ism!

Love makes you look forward to everyday, every moment.

It was an amazing week. About 9 days to be precise. I looked forward to everyday. Eventhough I had pulled through boring hours at work, but at least I know there will be someone waiting for me at that zebra crossing.

That night at LCCT feels just like last night. Then, all the rush and tardiness of travelling south were filled with lots of joy and laughter...amidst some moronic Taiwanese whom were bunking in. Then...by the time we are back to Central, gosh...we were so sick that it cost us 2 days of hangover. But it was still worthwhile. Like I told you, I don't feel tired at all even when I was at work on Thursday and Friday. Because I had you. Just you, and I don't need anything more special occasion. Maybe the travelling really drowned us a lot, and so fast it's Saturday...and today. And tonight, you are leaving again.

Of course I will miss you. I was staring blankly at the walls of my bedroom...thinking. Damn, coming days..weeks...months must be so boring! I must find some agenda to feel like real again! If not, gawd knows I lived life like a plastic. But but but...I don't think I am foolish enough to ask you to stay. Eventhough I know it will be good to have you near me...but reality is the ultimatum reason.

At some time in life, you will know that eventhough you love a person, you don't need to keep him in your life all the time.

it's mutual hatred, naturally

It's been so many years..almost a decade by now. I still think all of you are stinky hypocrites, you still think I'm acting distance. Like i always remind myself, why should I go that extra mile to please someone not worth the patience. I could still remember what happened at this home when all of you plotted the same to hurt me. That wound will never heal. It aggravates me the same when i hear or meet anyone named Grace. Just the same way it reminds me of how i should hate all of you.

I cannot tell you why i didnt give up even until now. Maybe just a barbaric side of me proving to all of you that I'd stay to continue haunt you, and make you think again how to hurt me again with another hideous plan you have. Another Mary, Jane or Sally, maybe? Why not you try, cos that is another way of proving it is right and ok that I feel disgusted.

Now, do or say..it sounds more appropriate if it is called complain. Yes, go ahead and discuss among yourself how bad a girl I am, how u don't like me comparing to that girl. How difficult it is to have me around. Bla bla bla.

Thank you. I am immune because all of you gave me such good lesson learned. It's either you continue to hate me or let's bring on the game. I am no longer as fragile as i used to be. Wish all of you peaceof mind, and shall happiness prevails