may I have a moment, please....?

I will soon to be HOME again. And when I'm there with you, can you slowly close your eyes, and listen to what my heart has to tell you...?

Tell me that I can be the luckiest girl to own the best of both worlds....Yours and Mine....Together. My Parents and My Future......

Earth's throwing tantrum again...

Another earthquake happened at Chile this morning. I don't have the writing abilities to professionally record how many life we taken at this natural disaster, and how many other life are still at stake. Just on a short note, things are not good. Very bad.....

I wonder what signs are we receiving actually. I don't know where the hell Chile is, or how far away this country is located. I just know, people died there. Those people...some could be happily chatting with a stranger, or friends giggling at each other, or a mother holding her baby's hands trying to teach her baby's very first step. Or someone could just be halfway blogging, like what I'm doing now.

When things like this happens, I'm sure you will start to plan how many additional hours you aim to spend with someone you love...or making arrangements to do things you never had time to start with, etc etc....to cherish those whom are important to you.

But how does "to cherish" really works?
If I can I wish I could stop the clock from tickling and grab those I love and stay by their sides forever. Does this means I'm cherishing my time with them? Or I wish that this world never need any material things to keep life going, like money. People don't need to work, money is not a matter of survival. Once hungry, food falls from the sky. Once cold, threads forms clothing for the naked ones. In this way, I don't need to do anything else, I don't need to walk a single step away from the people I loved most. Does this means I'm cherishing them? Only by these ways, I can be with my loved ones 24/7.....is that so? Is that the only way I can truly cherish them?

There's a story about a single mother whom had to work tirelessly day and night. She put all her effort in building a steady career just for one single reason. She has a beautiful baby girl, and I believe the baby's her only reason to live on. And to this single mother, to "live on" means having a need to secure a job, for her own future and of her baby's. But one day, as she was on her way to work, an earthquake happens, and the car she was driving plummets into a big big hole. All of her relatives whom survived the earthquake feels pity of that baby girl. Now she's an orphan. If her mother would have CHERISHED her more, the baby girl would not have to face all these trauma alone. Today, the baby girl in the story had grown up to be a successful young diplomat. And deep in her heart, she knew if her Mother had not worked tirelessly to build her education fund, she would be nothing but a homeless orphan. And do you think this girl ever feels that Momma never cherished her at all....?

If halfway writing this blog, and another earthquake hits Makati City and I died on the spot, am I not cherishing those that I love? Should I be blaming myself that I had never make initiatives to spend more time with my loved ones?

I don't think so. I believe if I really die right now, those who really loves me knows I'm trying to do my very best for them. Because without them; there wouldn't be me today.

Those who truly loves me knows I believe in fate. And I believe there's still life after death. I believe if we have fate, karma will bring us together again.

I choose to live on...

As I mentioned at Facebook earlier, life is full with choices.

You need to choose what breakfast to have in the morning, and what dress to wear, which shoes to pair with it, and then which road to take, what to say, what to do.....bla bla bla...the list just never ends!

But think again, slotted in between all those difficult choices I have to make, I almost neglected the joy about all the routine stuffs I have everyday. Like; you see - I don't make a choice which toothbrush to use because I only have one. I can't choose which car to drive because I can't afford another one (eventho I wished to). I can't choose to work or not, because I had to. I can't choose to stop the time as and when I want it to halt.

Despite all these comparative choices I have in my daily lives, don't you think all goes down to one simple reason why we are in such state of dilemma? Just because we choose to live..! We choose to be awake and play a role called human.

I don't care if it's really that difficult for me to make a choice or not. I don't care if any choices I've made will produce whatsoever consequences I'd like it or not....

I just choose to live on.....and just like everyone else, always look forward to a better tomorrow. A better life ahead.

serenity at a moment......

You know, when you feel burdened, it's like carrying a huge rock behind your back. It hurts like hell when you stretch your shoulders because of the weight it has to sustain. And when you finally decided to take-off a small piece of it, it feels much much better. A tiny change to a drastic situation can lead you to serenity at a moment. A moment communicated with love....

Today, I've learned to take things slowly. Take a step back and try to see the whole picture. Hold a coin too near to your eyes, it blocks your full vision. Take it further away and see again; this time the coin looks so small and insignificant, because the world seems much brighter and merrier.

If I ever hold a coin too near to my eyes again, remind me that I can stretch out a bit; and find peace that it's never the end of the world yet. Scrap off a little problem at a time, and I can circulate good vibes again. Even if I have done all I can; but the world's still gonna end - do you think I can make a difference..?

Happy Birthday to me........

Today is the simplest, yet most touching birthday I ever had. I made 2 birthday wishes.

I finally had the courage to approach my Supervisor and told him about all matters I find unbearable about my Team. Being a protective and typical Supervisor, he did not proceed to make solutions; he rather make excuses. Lame ones. Well, of which he consciously forced me to head for my back-up plan - resignation. After much nonsense-talking and blah-ing, he finally agree to my resignation, but requested that I would stay to help him out on this peak times. Of which I agreed. No harm, so I can have more time to accomplish my second birthday wish.

I wish B would tell me that he would not let go of this relationship. I wish B would also tell me that he too cherish this relationship as much as I did. I wish B would tell me to wait for him, and one fine day, we can be together again. TOGETHER - Just the way we did here in Makati.

But he didn't say anything.

He just cried when I told him I've tendered resignation. At that moment, I think there aren't anything I need him to say anymore. I can feel it already....

a day before I was born.....

Hmmm...wonder what was happening at this moment of year 1982...How was the world before I was born? Yeah, of course not the world as in the whole world; but how was Dad's and Mom's world on the day before I was born? And how much differences have I brought into their lives after my first cry in the labor room?....

So, tomorrow's my birthday. As age catches up, I wouldn't want to celebrate my own birthday (as if counting how many candles are there on that small little tiny cake)...but I want to celebrate Mom's courage and endurance of pain for bringing me into Life. I want to make remembrance every year that my Mom had been an extraordinary person, because she had been a great Mom and loving wife. Well, of course, things turn slightly sour when she starts her nagging :p

And Dad....thanks for taking the time & pleasure to "make" me and passing all your good genes to me. Everyone says I look like Dad, and I'm proud of it. Since Bro already look like Mom, so I find great balanced distribution of genes from my parents. Further, I don't want to look like Mom too much, cos she's not as cute as Daddy. Yeah, I enjoy the label "CUTE" - ugly but adorable.... wahahhahaha

See, after I distract myself with all sorts of thankfulness on my birthday, I almost forgot how old am I now! so, it's proven therapy for all aging women to re-direct all attention to your own parents on your OWN birthday. This way, who cares how many candles are stuck on your birthday cake?

which day of CNY already...?

People can really lost count of CNY especially when you have to work, or away from HOME and friends. Maybe there's aren't any decorations or sounds of Lion Dance drumming throughout the streets along with the CNY celebration here. Even we can be bored from hearing too many CNY songs in the office; because the more you listen, the more you will ask yourself "Why am I doing this?"

However, it was a good day today. Had dinner with B and Kian Seng at Nuuvo Restaurant @ Greenbelt. We had French Fine Dining for our "tuen-yuen" dinner...enjoyed it!

After that, both my Team Leader treated the full team to a karaoke session at Mabini. Just any regular K-session; lots of drinking, shouting, laughing....but was I really truly happy deep inside?

Still enjoyed the dinner better......

1st day CNY a.k.a. V-day

There goes my first day of CNY, and also bye-bye to Valentine's Day 2010.....with no regrets.

Called Dad Mom this morning for some CNY wishes and am glad that they are having their own plannings today. At least they are not bored sitting at home. they will join 5th Aunt for some prayers at the temple, and then head straight to other aunties' houses for gathering. Even though I do miss them, but it's not as bad as it was a month ago. Maybe I just accompanied them last week, and they are in best condition currently. And no fret, I'll be seeing them again soon (or too soon :p)

Valentine's day have never been too special to me anymore. Even if it might sound a lil' ol' skool, but I still agree that "if we are in love, then we are in love everyday, every single moment...." Why wait til V-day to express love, or why only add those spice in a relationship only once a year? A blessed relationship should be cherished with every single heartbeat.

There goes Day 1.....let's see what happens to Day 2....

It's TIGER this year...!

I'm welcoming the Tiger Year at Makati City, and hope this year brings abundance of joy, happiness, pinky health and prosperity to the Ho family, relatives, and friends. I personally pray for a smooth sailing year ahead, and may every obstacle bestowed with hearty smiles.....

I am thankful for all things I've been through in year 2009, let it be good or bad, happy or sad; because it had shaped me into who I am today - with utmost contentment.

I am also thankful that I have established a very strong bond and commitment with my family, especially SuperDad & SuperMom; they are worth every seconds in my life.

I am very thankful to have Bobby with me, going through all laughter and tears; and made me found a piece of jigsaw puzzle which I've never thought I could find again.

Last but not least, I am most thankful to all people whom crossed paths with me and in every simplest way showed me some meanings in life.

Look forward to an energetic, charismatic and roaring TIGER YEAR....!

MH704, 10 Feb 2010

Woke up at 6a.m. getting myself ready for a flight back to Makati City. Dad and Mom were busy checking my luggages, ensuring I have not left anything important behind. Ready to hit the road by 6.50a.m. and had my last prayer ritual. Bowed three times in respect to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, and said my prayers - I'm thankful that Mom and Dad are healthy, my family members and friends are well and happy and most thankful that I have the ability to serve my family as a whole person. I thank Buddha for always being there for me, for looking upon me when I faces the good and bad times, for being my Guardian Angel whenever I stumble across obstacles in life....I'm thankful that I'm always blessed with happy outcomes despite times of adversities and turbulence....

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu....

MH704 was ahead of the schedule that day. The plane took off at 1015 sharp, leaving KLIA Terminal. I left HOME with a heavy heart, but a big smile because I was the happiest girl for the past 14 days at home....and I whispered to Dad and Mom, saying not to worry because I will be back home for good very soon. They don't have to worry about me for any longer anymore.....

Approximate 1120. I looked out the window, wow....so many marshmallows....I see different shape of clouds and was guessing if those clouds resembles anything familiar...I saw a toad, a bear, a shooting star...all made of clouds! I chuckles and think, if Bobby were here with me, I'm sure he says he can't see anything! I miss B, and I can't wait to see him at Makati soon!

The plane was all silent in a sudden. All lights went off inside the plane. Poof* the oxygen mask dropped down from the upper part of the cabin, and I can hear the Captain's announcing - There is an Emergency. There is an Emergency. Please put on the oxygen mask now. There is an Emergency....There is an Emergency.....

His voice just faded in my head. I put on the mask and was still trying to figure out if anyone's playing prank. No one. Just on split nanoseconds, the plane "dropped" from its original height. People were screaming, babies were crying. I finally knew it's something serious. I had difficulty breathing due to the sudden decreased of height and pressure from the plunge.

I looked out the window again. No more marshmallows. I could see the ocean. The Captain started announcing again - Please put on your Life Jacket now. It's under your seat. Put on your Life Jacket. Remain in your seats. Use the oxygen mask to breath.

What?!!? Are we gonna crash or something? Why are we putting on the Life Jacket? Are we gonna crash? - all sorts of voices I heard from people on the plane. Me, I was just breathing in and out, as normal as I could; and couldn't stop crying. Yeah, I was crying because I was afraid. Afraid of death of course. I closed my eyes, still crying, held tight on the Tiger Bear which Dad bought for me prior to my departure. I was chanting Buddha's name, but I couldn't stop crying.

Amidst all chaos, the Captain was announcing again - We are having some technical problem (the plane) and we are now heading back to Kuala Lumpur for safety landing. We are now xxx km (I forgot the height) above sea level of South China Sea. It will take approximately xx minutes for us to reach Kuala Lumpur for safe landing. Please remain seated and use the oxygen mask.

Fine. The pilot's trying his best. No point creating havoc and let's pray that safety landing really comes true. The plane moved with total silence. I couldn't stop looking outside through the window, because I wanted to see the landing lanes so much. I saw the ocean, then the mountains. The plane was getting stuffy and hotter, due to lack of ventilation and oxygen. All passengers are still having the mask on, because we could be suffocated as there weren't enough oxygen supply in the plane.

The stewards and stewardess was busy walking up and down, ensuring the elders and babies are taken care of. Just then, I overheard the steward explaining what happened to the plane to a business class passenger - Sir, we are having technical problems on the plane, and the cockpit is not reading the location of the plane. That's why we need to head right back to Kuala Lumpur now....

The cockpit can't locate us? great. Which means, if we crash at anytime, no one would know what happened to us? No one would be able to find our bodies? great great great. I was crying again....I think no need to tell further why I was crying....

I don't know how much time were spent on praying and crying. I looked out again, and I saw kelapa sawit plantations. I was slightly relieved, because I know that KLIA is surrounded by kelapa sawit. Which means we are so much nearer to our safety landing.

The Captain confirmed that we are able to land in 30 minutes time. More relieved. Still couldn't take out the oxygen mask, as there were no more oxygen supply in the plane. It was a rough landing. Once the plane halted, numerous Bomba, Emergency Unit and Ambulances surrounded the plane, getting ready to help anyone in need.

As the stewardess usher us into the departure hall, a few paramedics were examining every passengers on board, including me. They measure the blood pressure, asked a few question if I were in pain, and provided some brief counseling - just to ensure that I'm alright....

Of which, here I am, writing this. Alive. Dad and Mom were proud of me, not only because I survived; but because I have the courage to head on with another flight all way back to Manila, alone. I knew that if I had given up at that time, I would forever be traumatic to take a ride on the plane. I have to, and I must get over it and be brave.

Just like LIFE itself. There are countless tricky endeavors, difficult challenges, hard times, or just simply bad things that happens on some bad days - if we don't face it and get over it, we will be forever stuck with it. But if we try to take a step further and embraces it, there may be something better ahead waiting for us. I can't decide life and death, but I can choose to live life to its fullest at every single moment I can possible have. I can still choose my path, and that's what so fun about Life...!

2 weeks, 14 days, 336 hours, 20160 seconds .....

27 Jan 2010 - 10 Feb 2010

What precious moments I had! After such long waited, tiring and challenging encounters I had abroad, I was finally HOME. It was so good to see Superdad & Supermom again after almost 6 months of lonely lives apart with them. I was surprisingly more HOME-ly than I was ever did before; I thought I would be out most of the time when I'm back but I didn't. I only had a few countable rounds of drinking sessions with friends, and there were no urges to hit any famous pubs / clubs at all. I love to stay at HOME, even though I was practically doing nothing!

But was glad to see Sis especially; and loved the lunch-out we had at Pavilion. Also, loved the white wallet (or purse? I dunno how to differentiate both actually) because she's always there to improve my fashion disaster. I mean, I don't have a wide range of 'stuffs', I always stick to those I'm familiar with. Not because I don't like other stuffs, but I'm just so laid-back on things I'm familiar with, and therefore lazy to try new things. But that white wallet, made me feel and look more feminine; and mature - something I wouldn't have the courage (or motivation) to buy it myself. So now, she'd better believe me that I really like the wallet....and I'm gonna use it.

Also, heartfelt pleasure to hang out with Elyn, Chi, Usim, Ashleigh, Erica, Sellina, and (VIP) Choo..! Gosh, Choo did really changed to ermmmm.....better! She's less 38 and is more considerate this time around I saw her. Good for her....

Back to my family, really loved those HOME-cooked food by Chef Mom. Love those vegetarian dishes, sambal prawn....oh yes! those soups! yummy! My tummy's grrr-ing while I write these...sure still miss those food I have in mind now.

Apart from Chef Mom's recipe, I also enjoyed Hokkien Mee, Beef Noodles, and Hong Kong Chee Cheong Fun...all eating-outs with Sir Bobby! yummy, and I can still remember Bobby's blushing red face from the Beef Noodle's super hot chili....ngek ngek ngek.....still want to always lan-si eating small chili in front of me..?...

There are so so many other things I might have left out here, or it was simply just happiness difficult to be expressed in words. Joyce said I would treasure HOME so much now; most probably due to I was away from HOME for too long. If I hadn't left home for work abroad, I wouldn't sense all these emotional touch now...

So true...so as I said, I should be proud of myself that I have made such decision to leave HOME. Not only I gained immeasurable life experiences, I have developed a wholesome personality full with love, contentment and thankfulness.