I hate waiting. Wait for things to happen, wait for people to arrive, wait for you to finish errands, wait for you to attain your personal objectives...all these craps I have no interest in whatsoever sense. Ok, I sound like an impatience creek?
Ok re emphasize. I hate to wait when it is avoidable. Plan ahead! Life don't allow too many of unforeseen circumstances, you know. In fact, time just ticks away while waiting. Yeah, and so I should do something resourceful while waiting. Ahem...if I have allocated time to...lets say meet you for discussion, I am prepared to do just that! How to do other things? Or should I always, almost forever think that I am gonna wait & better equip myself?
Wait wait wait...see I am scribbling my blog while waiting. This is resourceful?? This is crap!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
24/7 oh my .. Life!
Sometimes, or most of the times.. commitment wears me down. I am made to take up things not because I have to, but because I am convenient to. I have to put up to a lot of expectations during the weekends--what family shopping day, what family lunch day, what family desserts day, what family dinner day, what family groceries day... What fuck day. Family? Me mom dad. Why? Because I am convenient to do all the above, and therefore I am expected to. If there is a day I feel like staying home to chill out? I'll be tagged weird, or isolated. Bank's safe deposit account? My name as secondary. Means I need to, no, I must be ever ready and convenient to run banking errands when I'm needed to. I'd ask why not Gary. Oohh he has a family, not convenient. So I am convenient because I don't have a family. And even I have one later, I am still needed to run errands. Because I was CONVENIENT, remember? And don't remind me about myvi having scratches and several accidents too. This is always a family car (don't asks who pay for the car) and therefore can be used by anyone anywhere. His? Ooh it is forever his new car. So his new car park safely inside the porch, not very new car park outside. So it is CONVENIENT to use, and hence a few scratches here and there is inevitable. What? I wanted to buy another car instead of myvi? Don't dream about it, because his forever-new car is already parked inside, all cars parked outside must be a cheaper car... Wow, this is such a democratic world!
So, you know what? Don't show me a long face when I couldn't avoid the gate and scratched the myvi just now. If all of you had never care how I feel about being treated at home, why care if I get moody and decide to scratch the car myself? You scratch it, I pay. I scratch it, also I pay? So?
Don't remind me about staying out. I didn't forget and I am more agitated than anyone else here. If I have known all these, I would have bought a home 3 years back and safe all agonies now.
Why I didn't buy a house 3 years back? Because I have wasted my time with someone over something else. But I don't want to talk about it any further. Blood pressure rising now..
So, you know what? Don't show me a long face when I couldn't avoid the gate and scratched the myvi just now. If all of you had never care how I feel about being treated at home, why care if I get moody and decide to scratch the car myself? You scratch it, I pay. I scratch it, also I pay? So?
Don't remind me about staying out. I didn't forget and I am more agitated than anyone else here. If I have known all these, I would have bought a home 3 years back and safe all agonies now.
Why I didn't buy a house 3 years back? Because I have wasted my time with someone over something else. But I don't want to talk about it any further. Blood pressure rising now..
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
you, Leo !
Hey, Leo! How are you there? You think I forgot about you? No way! I have coped with life without you and I am doing fine with that. But thinking of you is as sweet as having you around...
You know, the Beagle next door went missing. We don't know if beagle ran away or his master gave him away. But I think he is ok...didn't hear any complaint from his master. Less one doggie in the neighborhood..Sigh
I was watching some clips on youtube about Show and his poodle Babu. Gosh I think all of you look the same. I wonder if I can still recognize you when I meet you there later. You better be calling me the same way you did so I can differentiate you with others ok. But Babu could howl the same way you did tho...just not as loud, maybe Babu is younger. Did your ancestor passes that skill to all of you, huh??
I am just the same since you left. Remember when I cried at your grave, I told you I feel lonely? I haven't stop asking why I feel lost over certain elements in life. I have not stopped searching...but I don't know what I am searching for. Just when I feel exhausted looking thru, I feel agitated over myself. It is like I must have done something very wrong and I don't know what exactly.
I still wish you can greet me at the doorstep. You rest your head on my lap assuring me things are gonna be alright. You want me to carry you and try to kiss my face after all those hidden tears flowed.
There must be some things a pet doggie can do that is irreplaceable by human. It is unconditional love. You never demand, never complain, never betrays. Even til the very last minute, you just wanted to be with me (us) instead of going into the hospital. You know going in, you will never walk out alive. That final step you took, with your heaviest heart. You didn't give me up even at that last moment.
If I could deal with your leaving, I can deal with loneliness. Leo, I am not lonely anymore. I am happy with myself. Much happier....
You know, the Beagle next door went missing. We don't know if beagle ran away or his master gave him away. But I think he is ok...didn't hear any complaint from his master. Less one doggie in the neighborhood..Sigh
I was watching some clips on youtube about Show and his poodle Babu. Gosh I think all of you look the same. I wonder if I can still recognize you when I meet you there later. You better be calling me the same way you did so I can differentiate you with others ok. But Babu could howl the same way you did tho...just not as loud, maybe Babu is younger. Did your ancestor passes that skill to all of you, huh??
I am just the same since you left. Remember when I cried at your grave, I told you I feel lonely? I haven't stop asking why I feel lost over certain elements in life. I have not stopped searching...but I don't know what I am searching for. Just when I feel exhausted looking thru, I feel agitated over myself. It is like I must have done something very wrong and I don't know what exactly.
I still wish you can greet me at the doorstep. You rest your head on my lap assuring me things are gonna be alright. You want me to carry you and try to kiss my face after all those hidden tears flowed.
There must be some things a pet doggie can do that is irreplaceable by human. It is unconditional love. You never demand, never complain, never betrays. Even til the very last minute, you just wanted to be with me (us) instead of going into the hospital. You know going in, you will never walk out alive. That final step you took, with your heaviest heart. You didn't give me up even at that last moment.
If I could deal with your leaving, I can deal with loneliness. Leo, I am not lonely anymore. I am happy with myself. Much happier....
Monday, July 16, 2012
Garfieldology!
Why use up my positive energy being mad, when all I need to do is practice ignorance!
It was fun when I see you engaging in dumb conversations. All of us know it except you!
Sometimes certain things are really better left unspoken.
It was fun when I see you engaging in dumb conversations. All of us know it except you!
Sometimes certain things are really better left unspoken.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
small changes makes big evolutions
I am truly a person afraid of being stagnant. If I think I can do better, I would gather resources and try to excel. Luckily I am an aquarius, I don't need comparing myself to others. If not I am already an ego freak today. I just hope to see myself improve, knowing I can grasp my own fate. Knowing my life is truly what I wanted it to be like.
I was never happy at my current company. In that department, to be precise. It is so small that I feel suffocated with every hypocrisy within. If I don't enjoy in my circle, how do I like the other elements at work? So, I feel so much need to change. I didn't agree that I should be settling myself just for the sake of survival. But I cant be too pushy either, because hell yes I need that paycheck every month! Contradicting, eh?? Aquarius!
So I signed for a personal broadband. Means another fixed expense topping up to what I am already paying at home. Boo hoo hoo. But I know clearly there will be things I cannot be petty over. Small investments is unavoidable if I want some new returns. With this fast internet connection, I have updated my resume. Ever ready to make a move, a wiser move with Guardian Angels' blessings. And so, I was contacted by a headhunter. The rest, let's just fingers crossed...hoping that good things do find me. Even if nothing turns out too great, it's ok cos I don't lose anything. I can just keep trying.
Like buying this iPhone...I was called dumb cos they say I should wait for iPhone 5. But hell loose, I don't really care. Now, I can blog everywhere I go with just an app. In fact, this is written via iPhone. I can check mails cos I sync all accounts, no more missed emails!
If I want to change, I must first make amendments to some old habits. If not, where do you think a change begins?
I was never happy at my current company. In that department, to be precise. It is so small that I feel suffocated with every hypocrisy within. If I don't enjoy in my circle, how do I like the other elements at work? So, I feel so much need to change. I didn't agree that I should be settling myself just for the sake of survival. But I cant be too pushy either, because hell yes I need that paycheck every month! Contradicting, eh?? Aquarius!
So I signed for a personal broadband. Means another fixed expense topping up to what I am already paying at home. Boo hoo hoo. But I know clearly there will be things I cannot be petty over. Small investments is unavoidable if I want some new returns. With this fast internet connection, I have updated my resume. Ever ready to make a move, a wiser move with Guardian Angels' blessings. And so, I was contacted by a headhunter. The rest, let's just fingers crossed...hoping that good things do find me. Even if nothing turns out too great, it's ok cos I don't lose anything. I can just keep trying.
Like buying this iPhone...I was called dumb cos they say I should wait for iPhone 5. But hell loose, I don't really care. Now, I can blog everywhere I go with just an app. In fact, this is written via iPhone. I can check mails cos I sync all accounts, no more missed emails!
If I want to change, I must first make amendments to some old habits. If not, where do you think a change begins?
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Quotes
Every person carries different patience level. I remember a HK drama quoting "All relationship begin in a messy room. Some jerks away instantly from the mess. Some take chances and try to tidy things up. Others dedicate their whole life making things right again and again..."
Too many of us take things too personally. That messy room is not sole responsibility. No one should be depended on to do the cleaning up, and the other enjoy that comfort zone. This will exhaust the relationship.
That's why, if I have to chase and fight for your attention, eventually I don't want it anymore.
Too many of us take things too personally. That messy room is not sole responsibility. No one should be depended on to do the cleaning up, and the other enjoy that comfort zone. This will exhaust the relationship.
That's why, if I have to chase and fight for your attention, eventually I don't want it anymore.
Monday, July 9, 2012
com-mu-ni-cate
"when was the last time you sat down and had a heart to heart conversation with someone?"--Soo Ewe Jin.
I don't know, Eugine. There will be so much to talk about at work, usually moronic topics with people of the same clan. Then it will be too unbearable to speak when I reach home. Well, there can be a word or two with mommy but definitely not in-depth. Or sometimes topics at home is so generalized that I didn't even use my brain, what's more from heart?
But this is not the main barrier to this breakdown chain of communication.
It takes two hands to clap. It take two initiatives to communicate.
My soulmate... I thought I could tell him everything my world beholds... It didn't happen due to distance. Don't remind me about technology, it wont work if you don't click either. It was made rotten by both of us, because there was no initiative to keep communicating. And now, catching up seems a little too late. Not little, but really too late.
I was craving for egg tarts on saturday night so we drove all the way to Connaught for Tong Kee. No more Tong Kee no more egg tarts. Jen asked if I could wait till next morning. No...I don't want it anymore tomorrow but there's no one to blame. The timing just not right there anymore.
If I couldn't communicate then, why care to know it now? It is too late, the chances left, no one to blame. Just don't ask why.... There is no more why...
I don't know, Eugine. There will be so much to talk about at work, usually moronic topics with people of the same clan. Then it will be too unbearable to speak when I reach home. Well, there can be a word or two with mommy but definitely not in-depth. Or sometimes topics at home is so generalized that I didn't even use my brain, what's more from heart?
But this is not the main barrier to this breakdown chain of communication.
It takes two hands to clap. It take two initiatives to communicate.
My soulmate... I thought I could tell him everything my world beholds... It didn't happen due to distance. Don't remind me about technology, it wont work if you don't click either. It was made rotten by both of us, because there was no initiative to keep communicating. And now, catching up seems a little too late. Not little, but really too late.
I was craving for egg tarts on saturday night so we drove all the way to Connaught for Tong Kee. No more Tong Kee no more egg tarts. Jen asked if I could wait till next morning. No...I don't want it anymore tomorrow but there's no one to blame. The timing just not right there anymore.
If I couldn't communicate then, why care to know it now? It is too late, the chances left, no one to blame. Just don't ask why.... There is no more why...
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