I shall retreat

I had a dream. It was such a mystical dream, that I couldn't believe it was just a dream. Here I am, woke up into reality; I wish I could write every single detail of the dream I had. A dream I struggle to wake up from.....

The scene ahead of me is so smoky, I couldn't really see where I am. Despite the lousy vision, I can hear birds chirping melodiously, children's laughter and horses galloping. I think I'm at a country-side or something. I try to visualize better and I see beautiful greenery, mountains way up high and soft clouds cuddles. I'm right there standing at a small village...and I see lots of people riding horses. Nobody seems to walk on their own feet there, they move around on horses....

A little girl approaches me and signals that I should have a horse of my own also. Just like everyone else there. So I looked around and I spotted a black horse....not too muscular, with big curly hair and doesn't look too attractive like other horses available. But I thought, maybe I can try to ride this horse and with much love & attention, I might be able to transform him to a better horse.

I rode this horse where ever I go, what ever I do. I put all energy to establish a great undying love with this horse, and I always tell myself; it doesn't matter this is not the perfect horse, it suits me right. However, learning to ride a horse gracefully ain't easy. Throughout the years, I've fallen down, bumped my head on the ground, faces much failure and heart-break with this horse. But I didn't give up just yet, I climb up the horse again and heeee-yaaah...commands it to run further towards the future with me. And there am I, riding the horse I've chosen at this small, neat village - just like others did.

One day, as I rode the horse near to the seaside, the horse gets grumpy again and throws me into the water. He didn't care that I might get hurt or anything, or I could be drowned by the sea....he just needs to throw a tantrum. I was struggling hard to hold on some tree branches along the banks, and fights my way up to get some air. By then, I hear the ding-dong ringing aloud from the light-house. The sound was so deafening and all of a sudden I'm back to the village again - without my horse.

The little girl holds my hand again and said "Maybe you should just leave your horse alone...for awhile. Try to walk with your own feet. Maybe you won't fall....."

I looked everywhere around the village, trying to find a warm, comfortable place for a rest. I walked further into the woods, and I see a big, old cypress tree ahead. I try to make myself comfortable, and rest there....hoping my horse will eventually comes back to me soon....

Two weeks had passed, my horse didn't return to me. Feeling so weak and useless, I crawled back into the village and hope to find the little girl again. She's no where to be seen. Helpless, I began calling my horse's name despite my hoarse voice due to dehydration. From afar, I see a horse coming towards me, but he already have another girl riding on his back this time. She told me to let the horse go, because he was never happy nor contented for having me as his rider. I always feed to much stress and burden to him, and he finally found his best rider in just 2 week's time. Never measure love with any time-line, because years of companionship cannot be compared to love at first sight - or so it seems......

I was left lying in the middle of the road, dangerously curled myself up in a foetus position - didn't care the eerie sound of hundred horses galloping near me. I should be dead, why can't any horses just stomp on me...I can't be anywhere without my horse. I can't be home without him...I'm lonely yet I don't have the courage to ride any horse again...

Just when I thought I can stand on my both feet again and try walking home, only I realized my both legs are gone. I'm paralyzed from waist-down. I never had legs in my life. It was my horse that makes me a person...a complete person....