Mom always reminds me not to compare any tangibles with others; it would only make you feel inadequate and loading extra stress on ourselves. Mom says the grass may always looks greener on the other side, because we never know how much effort, tough times and/or hard work people had planted on those soils before it become a piece of green-land....
True, true, true....in short; be contented!
However, every time I make a decision (especially a tough one) I would still weigh which side offers me more happiness, opportunities or simply - advantages. I will see which side has greener grass. Or else, why would human need to think (some don't) prior to making any decision? We somehow make ourselves believe that we must make a better decision than the latter; simply because we can't face the truth that some decisions we make may not offer the best outcome.
Work @ Caspo: Very honestly, there is a piece of me making funny annotations saying that I give up so easily. That's why, I do have a single thought that I want to stay, simply because I haven't proved to myself and others - that I can really make it BIG here...just like the way I did back in KL. If all those morons can make it, what makes you think I can't make it? And the pay is too good to be true. Not much of follow-up stress at work, because we basically never worry about tomorrow's tasks. Work here is like present-tense....and my previous jobs are like present-continuous tense. So, why not?
Work @ KL: I know I know....even I do really make it BIG here...who cares when I'm back to KL? This is not any typical industry we have everywhere...it's internet gaming/gambling. Further, this line has not seduces any of my curiosity as yet...maybe I don't really like the nature of it. Unless if I really want to stay in this circle for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm much more an operational person. I love customer service, events (training) and corporate coordination. I love to play around with my communication skills and enhance my vocabularies in my daily job. This is something that I can't really show-off in Makati. Here it's more on skills, but limited knowledge expansion. There's too much confidentiality here and it's choking me to death! And gawd knows I can't be here forever. I have my family at home waiting for my return. I have my responsibilities at home. The responsibilities much greater than any corporate post available in a company - something called filial piety.
Money & career...which to choose?
Bobby @ Makati: It's more difficult to leave him than leaving my job at Caspo. I'm beginning to enjoy love again when he's here in Makati with me. We lead a life called our very own here....I don't hear his mom shouting when he sleeps late in weekends, I don't care if his sisters and his mom likes me or not, I don't give a damn if they like me more than any other girl they think suits him better, gawd damn if his aunties uncles thinks I'm freak, hail-out to some moron friends that never think we should be together....etc etc etc! I just fall in love again without any buzzing voices flying in my head. It's so magical when you know you are so deeply in love, in a different place, with the same person you have ever loved. It's that feeling when I can't wait for 7.30pm to arrive, because I want to rush home and take a bath - we will be having dinner together. Or to know that he makes me a simple dish/soup whenever he's off-duty and awaits me for dinner together after my work. Or we can just go for a 2a.m. supper irregardless if we have to work tomorrow, because we want to spend time together. Also those crazy times we had at Greenbelt Amusement area..I'm suddenly a pro at shooting games, car racing and Marvel fights...all because of him! And just when it sparks, I'm giving up again. Now stop telling me that long distance relationship works. Because I know it doesn't.
SuperParents @ KL: I nearly chocked my heart out when Joyce told me that daddy misses me very much. Daddy says he's even willing to give me his pension money to support my living should I'm not able to find a job when I'm back. All he wanted is his baby girl back home again...and lead a family life - spends time with his wife, son & daughter...enjoy dinner, watch tv together, chat all sorts of topics....something he didn't have the chance to do much when he need to earn a living to support the family. He worked tirelessly for 30 years...and now nearing his retiring age, all he ever wanted is a close knit family. What did I give him in return?.. making Dad worry sick of me by working abroad. And even silently force him to keep all his worries and misses in his heart - because he dare not tell me; afraid that I might not pay attention at work here.
But parents and Bobby.....who to choose?
Now tell me which side of the grass looks greener to you....I'm suddenly a color blind.
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You know what? When I was reading your post, I can deeply understands how tough the decision is for you to make. Because I put myself in your shoes. If I was you, I wouldn't know what to do either. I would sit and think and even not coming up with a decision by the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteHowever tough it is, by the end of the day, we need to make a choice. And it is these choices that determines the path of our life. From your call yesterday, I realized you have made a choice without reading your blog. And I'm proud you are strong enough to make that choice, just like how you make the choice to work in Makati earlier. And I trust every choice you made is of the very best to yourself.
Coming back to work in KL is a sooner or later thing. Because basically your parents are here. Think of the first thing, what makes you leave M'sia for that job in Makati? If you tell me, you wanna earn more money to support your parents, then the answer is, you have to come back because all they ever wanted is yourself with them, not being separated like that. They don't mind being penniless as long as one family is together. As parents, they have to respect your decision but at the same time unable to be frank with you and tell you what's in their heart. And if you tell me, you wanted a career in Makati, I would tell you that job is not for you. If you want fast money, yes it is! But I can see that this is not the job that will carve your career path the way you want it to be. So, don't blame yourself about not achieving it BIG as it is not meant for you. You did not lose. You only realize it is not for you before you venture yourself any further and waste your effort.
I think the only reason for the difficulty in making that decision is Bobby....
I understands how it feels like being in love again with that same person you ever loved. Sometimes you really need to make a tough decision when it comes to parents or your man. And usually, knowing you, parents will always be your choice. Same goes for me.
Good times are always the seducer. But think of the bad times, who is there for you when you need someone the most? Izzit bobby or mum and dad? Since you have made a choice, go for it. It's tough you have to sacrifice your own happiness for the time being, but who knows what will be the outcome of it? Maybe your leaving, will prove to him that he has to work more than this to achieve what you both truly wanted? I always believe there is something behind everything that happens. Trust in yourself and trust in the choice you make.
I trust in God and all the arrangements He has for you. I know it's hard to leave him behind. But, don't look at it negatively. Perhaps there are some good outcomes out of it. I believe he also has realize how intimate your relationship now with him. So, let him do the chasing in return. As I said, if he is sincere, he will do something about it.
It's hard to give up something so nice huh? But, if a choice has been made, stick to it. Sometimes you need to sacrifice yourself for other people's happiness and it is the most noble thing to do. And God is fair, with sacrifice, there will be even greater returns. :)
Sis supports you! And in whatever decision you have made in your life.