It's pouring again tonight. Rainy season it may seem, but this a great time to rain. Because I am finally settling in for some self contemplation again. The rain didn't just start yesterday, but only tonight I think I'm ready again.
There is no perfect moment. Just the right moment.
I want reality to knock on me more often. No, I wasn't locked up in some kind of weird mansion waiting for prince charming. I'm not a princess and I don't want to be. I am real, genuinely not a fairytale fan.
I am just ordinary. Real ordinary out of ordinaries. I came from a small family, not extremely rich but not poor enough to suffer. Ordinary. I didn't grow up super naughty but definitely not that noob geek next door. Ordinary. I didn't date for trillion times in my blossoming age, but I rode on good game of love roller-coaster. Ordinary. I am not that smart ass above career ladders but I think my earnings are compatible to my contributions. Ordinary.
So? I'm not here to prove I'm ordinary either. I am afraid that things have been so-so all these years because I was never told the truth. That ugly truth.
I don't want anymore 'you will be fine' or 'things are not that bad' and 'alright okies dokies'. And just when you turn your back you'd give a sly smile and say... Look at this loser. She thinks God must be spending more time on her??
Yes. You can come up to me and tell me I am a jackass. Or say I didn't spend enough time for caring moments. Or you are so fed up with my opinion-less nonsense. Throw me a tantrum because I didn't know how to express myself. Or give me a wake up slap because I didn't know you loved and care.
Give me a knock knock on my conscious.
I just want a true courtesy reminder. I was lost, because all of you have hidden me somewhere very very comfortable. I was delighting those moments for so long, that I am numb of any more affections. Tell me that I am imperfect, and I deserve another chance to wrong again. I can be crazy trying to love again, and if I really did fall nuts over it, at least I've loved.
Just a true courtesy reminder. Naturally. Beautifully.
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soon we might have another chance moving to TW.wonder do you still have same wishes.
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