Way back into Life

Namo Guru-beh. Namo Buddha-ya. Namo Dhamma-ya. Namo Sangha-ya.
I take refuge in the Guru. I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dhamma. I take refuge in the Sangha.

Sadhu.Sadhu.Sadhu.

I was brought up in a Mahayana teachings environment; mom would recite her Da Bei Zhou every morning. I woke up to the echoing sound of the mantra, but I didn’t have any more second thoughts to it. I grew up remembering fondly of the teachings dad passes on to me, which I think until today, a definite Way of Living in Buddhism. I’ve learned when I was a kid, which daddy taught me, that we are all living Buddha. We are all precious stones within, either unpolished or waiting to be. Or we could even resemble ourselves like the lotus, blooming gracefully amidst the musky pond. Frankly, I didn’t think that far ahead of me when I was that wimpy kid. I just think, there must be a reason for all things to fall in place, and if I am not rejoicing life at certain moments; that’s karma calling. And I was always asking a lot of ‘why’…’why’…’why’….

My best Buddhist moments came when I was a teenager; when I was submitted into Buddhist Institute Sunday Dhamma School (BISDS) Sayonara Camp. It was Sayonara Camp because it was year-end camp, and we are supposed to learn saying goodbye to our short lived defilements and desires. It was pure magical, when I met with K Sri Dhammananda. When K Sri Dhammaratana came to our camp and gave talks. When we had to wake up wee hours in the morning for puja but we were all fresh and alert. Those were the days. One of those moments I’d love to remember forever, because that is when I took my first step in embracing Theravada Buddhism. I was named Sunetra, and forever will be.

And then, I came to believe Buddhism is naturally scientific. It is naturally tailored to our daily lives and Dhamma is everywhere around us. I don’t go to the temple or the museum to look for Dhamma, I just need to look within, inwardly. And scientifically straightforward where questions are answered in a structured way, directly truthful. Or maybe there is more to this, I have yet to discover.

And you’d think I must be religiously contented now, with that ring on top of my head? No. I was lost in transition, for quite some years. Well, I am still very much a Buddhist within, but I couldn’t care less to progress. I entered into that comfortable zone to only practice the fundamentals and kept myself wrapped in that status. Once awhile when I had questions popped in my weary mind, I’d shove it off because I felt I already had too many ‘why’ in other areas. I don’t want to think. Not any further. And all these ignorance only prove that, I am not living the Buddhism life. I am allowing myself to lack behind.

And I am blessed yet again yesterday. There must be some tinee-winee merits I’ve accumulated and shared at sometime, and soon good karma leads me to Tibetan Buddhism. Kechara. The Buddha’s field of Vajrayogini. It was Awe-some. And apart from feeling ecstatically blessed to cross path with Buddhism again, the ‘why’ are all coming back to me. I had so many thoughts in my mind, and when I was toured around the premise I couldn’t stop thinking. There were mixed emotions over-pouring like nervousness, excitement and curiosity. Okay, that three ingredients sounds odd if mixed together, and gawd knows I was equally amazed. It was a moment of contemplation – knowing I’m home to Buddhism again but yet poignant to know I was lost before this.

I don’t know what this encounter would bring to me in near future. But I am eager to re-discover if I am fated to. About fate, Buddhism had brought someone to me and I hoped this is a true blessing. I believe this is an exquisite blessing.