I am officially home for 3 weeks now. Uhmmm, around same time last year, I took 3 weeks' off from work to "holiday" at home too. I could still remember, it was my transition period from Caspo Inc to Stellent Corp. I was so stressed out with Caspo, and it was difficult to decide if I can (want) to make things anew with Stellent. Of which, I did.....and almost a year after the incident, here I am giving up on Stellent Corp.
Well, I can't terribly say giving up because this departure is less political from Caspo's divergence. This time, I am leaving Stellent for the settlement of family affairs. I am home mostly because SuperDad and SuperMom wants (needs) me to be home with them. And also sadly, I could hardly foresee any interesting reason to stay put with Stellent's immature management team.
Those 3 amazing weeks I had in year 2010 (which I took as holiday after resigning from Caspo) was totally hell different compares to this 3 weeks (and many more weeks) I'm having now at home.
I am struggling as hard as I can to renew my living habits now. This is such strange and foreign feeling which I am not supposed to have! This is home, and yet I am not at ease. I feel like a stranger to the full package of living at home! WT Crap!?!?
I have been very upset lately. A part of my concience is blaming the failure of loving home, and another side of me shouts for more personal (I mean P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L!!) space and time. It feels like lost of identity now. I have to follow other's time table, I have to acknowledge new routines, I have to obey new rules! Like I am even forced to eat, even though I am not hungry. And if I don't eat, I'd be tagged as weird. Or they would feel that I am trying to distance myself. Something like that. HUH ?!?!?! Excuse me?
This is a very mutual problem. I was never given such "special" attention if I didn't work abroad. Maybe they missed the feeling of taking good good good CARE of me. They felt there were so many things not done in 2 years time, and now it's payback! In addition, my resentment would not be this supreme if I didn't enjoyed total freedom while working abroad. So, this ultimatum clash is ... mutual. Ok, I can definitely feel better when I am thinking and analyzing it from this angle.
See... this is how I survived these 21 days. I have to be (forcefully) positive and practical. There's not a split nano-second allowed to think of unnecessary things. I am HOME, and this is HOME. There will be no where better than HOME.
Come to this, why don't I start a HOME myself....? Like starting a family? So I can make my own time table, routines and rules?
Hmmmm......
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I think it's just a matter of time to adjust yourself back. Of course, you can't expect things to be the same before you left for Makati. Definitely there will be some changes. It's just how you accomodate to the changes. You have been enjoying total freedom and personal space all these while working abroad. Sure, there is difference now that you have to stay put with your family. But, there are always pros and cons to everything. If you ever remembered being alone out there, sick and no one to look after you, loneliness that evolves around you, you would have been thinking how much you miss your family right?
ReplyDeleteSame goes for this. As you have been enjoying total freedom, suddenly things have to change and does not goes according to the way you want. Things are always two ways. So, don't think too much and consider yourself lucky.
Also, because you are currently not working now. When you have settle down for a new job later, things will be different. You will have most of the time at work and you are occupied. Unlike now, you spent all your time at home. Of course, you will notice that the commitments and rules are too much to handle! :)
You are going back to PHP tomorrow right? Have a safe flight and trip. Hope to see you when you are back. And, I would love to hear from you one day that you will be starting a family of your own. :)