24/7 oh my .. Life!

Sometimes, or most of the times.. commitment wears me down. I am made to take up things not because I have to, but because I am convenient to. I have to put up to a lot of expectations during the weekends--what family shopping day, what family lunch day, what family desserts day, what family dinner day, what family groceries day... What fuck day. Family? Me mom dad. Why? Because I am convenient to do all the above, and therefore I am expected to. If there is a day I feel like staying home to chill out? I'll be tagged weird, or isolated. Bank's safe deposit account? My name as secondary. Means I need to, no, I must be ever ready and convenient to run banking errands when I'm needed to. I'd ask why not Gary. Oohh he has a family, not convenient. So I am convenient because I don't have a family. And even I have one later, I am still needed to run errands. Because I was CONVENIENT, remember? And don't remind me about myvi having scratches and several accidents too. This is always a family car (don't asks who pay for the car) and therefore can be used by anyone anywhere. His? Ooh it is forever his new car. So his new car park safely inside the porch, not very new car park outside. So it is CONVENIENT to use, and hence a few scratches here and there is inevitable. What? I wanted to buy another car instead of myvi? Don't dream about it, because his forever-new car is already parked inside, all cars parked outside must be a cheaper car... Wow, this is such a democratic world!

So, you know what? Don't show me a long face when I couldn't avoid the gate and scratched the myvi just now. If all of you had never care how I feel about being treated at home, why care if I get moody and decide to scratch the car myself? You scratch it, I pay. I scratch it, also I pay? So?

Don't remind me about staying out. I didn't forget and I am more agitated than anyone else here. If I have known all these, I would have bought a home 3 years back and safe all agonies now.

Why I didn't buy a house 3 years back? Because I have wasted my time with someone over something else. But I don't want to talk about it any further. Blood pressure rising now..

you, Leo !

Hey, Leo! How are you there? You think I forgot about you? No way! I have coped with life without you and I am doing fine with that. But thinking of you is as sweet as having you around...

You know, the Beagle next door went missing. We don't know if beagle ran away or his master gave him away. But I think he is ok...didn't hear any complaint from his master. Less one doggie in the neighborhood..Sigh

I was watching some clips on youtube about Show and his poodle Babu. Gosh I think all of you look the same. I wonder if I can still recognize you when I meet you there later. You better be calling me the same way you did so I can differentiate you with others ok. But Babu could howl the same way you did tho...just not as loud, maybe Babu is younger. Did your ancestor passes that skill to all of you, huh??

I am just the same since you left. Remember when I cried at your grave, I told you I feel lonely? I haven't stop asking why I feel lost over certain elements in life. I have not stopped searching...but I don't know what I am searching for. Just when I feel exhausted looking thru, I feel agitated over myself. It is like I must have done something very wrong and I don't know what exactly.

I still wish you can greet me at the doorstep. You rest your head on my lap assuring me things are gonna be alright. You want me to carry you and try to kiss my face after all those hidden tears flowed.

There must be some things a pet doggie can do that is irreplaceable by human. It is unconditional love. You never demand, never complain, never betrays. Even til the very last minute, you just wanted to be with me (us) instead of going into the hospital. You know going in, you will never walk out alive. That final step you took, with your heaviest heart. You didn't give me up even at that last moment.

If I could deal with your leaving, I can deal with loneliness. Leo, I am not lonely anymore. I am happy with myself. Much happier....

Garfieldology!

Why use up my positive energy being mad, when all I need to do is practice ignorance!

It was fun when I see you engaging in dumb conversations. All of us know it except you!

Sometimes certain things are really better left unspoken.