I am bored. I am so bored that I am forcing myself to write something about feeling bored. Urrgghh..
I have lost a fair amount of interest at work. There are whole tons of doubts playing in my mind tonight. I've thought about the imbalance distribution of recognition and remuneration at work. I've analyzed why some dumb people can be seated highly and still not-so-smartly commands people to work. I've asked myself if I need a break from this corporate affair, and make really deep thinking what I want to do next. I've even questioned myself what I want to be in 5 years....10 years time from now. It crossed my mind if I should take up some professional courses to recharge myself.
But yet, what's so mega about being in the working field for 10 years? Dad has been working his quarter life away, yet he never complained about directionless. Dad had courageously face each (boring and tedious) working days with much enthusiasm, because Dad knows the pay check will feed his family with good health and happiness. Dad's got responsibilities to bear, and yet he never complained. So what am I now? A naggy grandma?
I keep on convincing myself that things will be better when I'm home. I mean, I may be experiencing all these hormonal messiness because I do not have my responsibility (parents) with me. That's why I am swayed once in awhile.
But coming to think of it, it shivers me with the fact if I'm finally home and JOBLESS -- what kind of shit I am putting myself into? So I will begin to worry to death, and just grab any job opportunity that I can get. Simply get a job....I need money to survive. So which is which then? Do I need a job because of money, or do I need time to think about a job?
And easily anticipated, I will end up feeling and thinking as exactly the way I am now. I will be worrying, start complaining, and doubt if I am directionless. I will begin to ask questions like a mad cow. And once more, I will be sitting (at somewhere) blogging, saying : I AM SO LOST!
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Firstly, don't care so much about your current working environment because that scenario is practically everywhere in the working world. Sometimes no matter how hard you work, if you are not appreciated, it's just too bad, you will never get anywhere. Sometimes I also wondered myself why I help my boss so much and so efficient but I never get 'BIG' projects like my not-so-hardworking-last-minute colleague does. I guess it's more to how you 'strategize' and bodek-bodek, you know.
ReplyDeleteThis gives you another good reason to leave the company because it's not a very pleasant place to work in anyway. Yeah, superdad never complains but my dad does. I remembered he did came home complaining about his useless boss and how tired of him about his job, but the next morning, he woke up as usual early in the morning to work. I mean no matter how frustrated he is about his job, he still wakes up in the morning to go to work because he knows he has a family to feed. So, I think it's pretty much normal to feel down and unhappy about your job once a while and complain or nag a bit. It's just a way to release your tension and stress.
If a decision has been made and you know you can't do anything much about it unless you are back here, then don't worry too much, for if you worry, you can't do much, it only adds misery to you and the people around you. If there is a better way that can be done, I believe you have already do it! It's just that you can't do anything now, so, why bother to worry?
Just enjoy your time while you are still there. I know you might be worrying about the insecurities and uncertainties in getting a job when you are back here. But if you are really in need of a monthly salary to support yourself and family, I don't see a wrong in getting some job first while you hunt for an ideal one. Unless you really tell yourself you can survive on savings first and that you must find a really big and reputable company to join for a position you like. Not just simply 'some' company. Then, it's ok. You know your direction.
From the moment you decided to land your foot in Makati, you already know that you wouldn't work there forever and that you will be back one fine day. And that when you are back on that one fine day, you will need to start your work all over again here. Since, you already know, then don't worry too much.
Plus, you have gained some working experience that will enhance your resume. And with addition to your good interpersonal skills and fluent English, you will be a grab in the Malaysian working world. You know our 'standard' ge lar...
Cheer up!