I asked you if I have ever mentioned too many regrets I could have. I didn't wait for your answer, I said no instantly. Because I don't care what you think. I just want to make my message across clear. I regret. Coming home. Leaving Makati. I really regretted.
It's not Makati entirely. It could be anywhere. But definitely not Malaysia. Not home. I said not home, but I know the value of having families close knit. But I just cannot be at home anymore, under same roof. I thought of buying a house, stay out, and just be home occasionally. But this may not solve the problem as a whole. I hate this country. I'm totally tirelessly bored with it.
My mind is in total mess now. I don't know how to express my aggression now. If you are with me hearing all these nags, you will certainly blame it on drugs' effect. But this is way beyond my sickness already. I'm guessing if all these stress the main contribution to my plummeting health. I blame on everything, because I finally say...I regret.
I'm bothered with the family system at home. All problems I saw when I was a teenager, the skeletons are coming out from the closet again. Piece by piece.... it's never fair at home, I don't agree with things, I'm always living in fear, I'm never at ease...I thought I've said all these when I was a raging teenager. Yet, I'm repeating myself now as a 30 years old. Which proves that, things are repeating again. Deja vu.
I'm suffocated. I feel stuck again. This the feeling I had 3++ years ago, one of those reasons I gave all up and braved to Makati.
So did I come back for good? I'm back, but good or not...it's hard to say.
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