I don't know family matters

On this very morning, right in the heat of bustling city polluted with endless traffics; I keep on asking -- May I know when will I be dead ?

If I have an expire date in 10 years from now, what would I do?

I would resign from my job today, go somewhere no one knows me and makes sure no one to echo anymore craps into my weary soul.

I don't see much joy in living when you are tired of life, and one factor contributing is your own family. Go out to work, hate your job but you need that paycheck. Hate your boss but there will always be someone ahead you. Hate your colleagues but they comes in packages, your boss included. After work, you've got friends? They come in all shapes and sizes, all masked within their own capabilities. Don't like work, don't like friends? Go home!

But I don't want to go home. I don't want to be home. It is same suffocating. I thought of killing my brother when I was a teenager but shrugged it off; maybe I was too immature then. But now, despite not killing him, I still don't see why I need to like him. And my parents; if they love him so much, why even care to have me? My being is never a subject of importance, because I am always accommodating. And if I am rebellious for a moment, am I the black sheep immediately?

At this moment, I just want to run away. I may not run, maybe take a flight to a far away place. I just want to be away for a long long time. I just don't want to see them. I just want to be alone. I just want them to leave me alone.