drowned in a messy mind

I have no idea how to be collective again. Thoughts are scattered like broken pieces of glass. It all started when......I don't have the courage to continue this bravery anymore. I am so stuck in a tangible resentment, full of doubtful "why" echoing in my restless soul. I don't find my attachment with AZ amusing. Like the chinese says, a pail of cold water immersing over my burning motivation. And then those indescribable senses about love, too! I've lost all controls of coordination between speech, attitude and actions. My brain says go ahead, but my face soured with zipped lips. I am such a turn-off and no matter how I blame it on raging hormones, I know something is so not right. And then family. I am suffocated with confusion because I keep on doubting if I am really needed to be home at all. I don't think my SuperParent really need me as much as I used to think, but I want to feel useful at the same time. As much as that, I am struggling with lack of personal spaces at home. Even my room is pressuring me. And let's not start talking about other details of my daily condiments yet. It may sound more like a failed recipe for life, and I don't want to affect your appetite here. Anyhow, I don't know which factor influenced me most. I've gotta start finding hidden objects in my cerebral cortex now...