How do I remember...

There and then...things happens...and things made me remember my miao miao poodle Leo. I saw a woman and her daughter carrying a schnauzer....and I cried. Just the same way I used to carry Leo. But as I drove away...and I didn't see the woman and schnauzer anymore, I felt better. I know Leo is not here anymore. And then when I reach home after a hard day's work, I cry again because I don't have Leo waiting for me at the doorstep.

At some point of consideration, I wanted to get another poodle so much. I want to just buy another toy poodle, brown curly coats....and name him Leo again. And everything will just be the same.... No? No...? I doesn't work this way? Then how are things gonna work?

We are watching Dog Whisperer again for the first time since Leo left us. We loved this reality show in the past, because we always want to find ways on how to make Leo a better doggie. Naughty brat has his own tantrums sometimes. He pee whenever he is excited. He becomes horny when he sees kids, Wayne especially. He growls when he is in bad mood, usually when he doesn't like the way you manage him. He growls every time dad uses his foot to pat him. So, Leo don't like Dad. But we stopped watching Dog Whisperer ever since. And today, we hope to resume our normal routine, be as normal as we can. We are trying, indefinitely.

We chatted about Leo openly at home now. As if Leo is already a subject of the past. We shared who had dreamed of Leo, and what dream content was all about. Eyes teary red, but with smiles on our faces. Leo is gone, memories stays.

I remember a saying goes...'Don't force yourself to forget someone, because you won't. Just let it be naturally, and one fine day when you are in the midst of doing a chore and suddenly remembers and smile again....that's when you know you have forgotten to remember him'

I don't know how do I remember to forget Leo. I'm convinced that I don't need to forget. I enjoy thinking about Leo, and cry after that. I am most comfortable in this state, now.

As if someone walks up to me and say, 'Leo will come back one day'....I would naively believe.