Ta-da! There goes another day! Which means my day of going home is drawn nearer and nearer and neareeeerrrrrrrr........
Had interview with my direct Supervisor today, it's actually an evaluation program. A session full of cow's shit whereby the Supervisor's trying to brainwash you (so that you'd become more productive; and of course so he can take the credits then)...and a session where the employee (me!) provides all the special-effects that he'd wanted to see - like uhm-uhm, nodding with agreement, smile, but remain serious, (pretend) as if you are listening and digesting every words he said.....
I liked the best part when he asked what's my vision working with the company. I was blah-ing all sorts of tremendous English I could easily think of and making such commitments that I'll give great efforts for the betterment of his Team and the Company as a whole.....but in fact, my inner voice was saying:
I'M GOING HOME>>>!!!!!! Bye, Jack-ass!
hahahahhahahahahha
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
bye~sunday @ caspo
There goes my long long Sunday at work...phew~~ what sweat! It has always been the busiest, boring-est, aimless weekend here...no matter how I try to love weekends, it never seems to end. everybody at work are their grouchiest...you can simply hear complaints flying everywhere and you can get sick from these aura.
So good....it's already GONE!
I'm counting days already. Another 3 days at work, and fleeeeee.......I'll be on my safe and enjoyable journey home. I kept checking my luggage these few nights, ensuring I have taken all needed things home with me. Well, in fact, I don't really have too many things to bring home, but I just liked the routine check. I'm enjoying the feeling of going home.
Bobby is as restless as I do. He's counting the days too, and he's even luckier as he's not working on Wednesday. Hmmpphh! He's better remember to do all the tasks I've assigned to him...or else ;p
I'm so melodic today! I can nearly compose a new song about going home!
So good....it's already GONE!
I'm counting days already. Another 3 days at work, and fleeeeee.......I'll be on my safe and enjoyable journey home. I kept checking my luggage these few nights, ensuring I have taken all needed things home with me. Well, in fact, I don't really have too many things to bring home, but I just liked the routine check. I'm enjoying the feeling of going home.
Bobby is as restless as I do. He's counting the days too, and he's even luckier as he's not working on Wednesday. Hmmpphh! He's better remember to do all the tasks I've assigned to him...or else ;p
I'm so melodic today! I can nearly compose a new song about going home!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
a peaceful Saturday @ Easton Place
Finally, I'm not working on a Saturday. A big part of sacrifice I've made for the past 7 months was needing to work on weekends, and therefore had forgone lots of opportunities to Skype/chat with my family and friends. No wonder they missed me so much...haha^
Was Skype-ing with SuperDad&MOm, Joyce and my favorite Leo for the past 2 hours. Dad still looks the same, with not much hair but still the cutest Dad in the whole wide world. Whereas Mom, as daddy said, has lose some weight and lack of some pinkish glow on her face. Dad says Mom's health is average lately, maybe due to lack of sleep or she's still on medication for her inherited diabetic problem. Well, whatever, I need to ensure she's watching her diet everyday and take good care of her. Joyce...Joyce...still the same old' Joyce. Never spend much time in improving her appearance and body weight. Still plump, and shaggy, and ugly. She even changed her spectacles and now she looks like Lam Ah Chan. gosh.....save her ....
Leo! is fur-less again .. lolz..! You know poodles has this curly coat and whenever it grows longer, it will tangle easily. So, Mom brought him to his monthly saloon routine, and now, he looks like a chihuahua....
I miss this weird family. My family.
Was Skype-ing with SuperDad&MOm, Joyce and my favorite Leo for the past 2 hours. Dad still looks the same, with not much hair but still the cutest Dad in the whole wide world. Whereas Mom, as daddy said, has lose some weight and lack of some pinkish glow on her face. Dad says Mom's health is average lately, maybe due to lack of sleep or she's still on medication for her inherited diabetic problem. Well, whatever, I need to ensure she's watching her diet everyday and take good care of her. Joyce...Joyce...still the same old' Joyce. Never spend much time in improving her appearance and body weight. Still plump, and shaggy, and ugly. She even changed her spectacles and now she looks like Lam Ah Chan. gosh.....save her ....
Leo! is fur-less again .. lolz..! You know poodles has this curly coat and whenever it grows longer, it will tangle easily. So, Mom brought him to his monthly saloon routine, and now, he looks like a chihuahua....
I miss this weird family. My family.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I'm only human too..
Thanks sis for supporting me, knowing all I need now is to cry out loud. Let's be frank, even if you are now at Manila with me, there's really nothing much you can do for me, except telling me that I can really cry - just like anyone else, I can be weak too.
Sometimes I hate a part of myself. There are times that I'm really feeling so exhausted deep inside and just when I feel like sobbing already; a hell out of nowhere will demand me to be strong, hold back tears, don't cry or else I will fail myself. I don't know where I learned this from. I always see a shadow in me whenever I feel like crying.
I remembered, way back when I was a teenager as when Bro was still a moronic childish chap. He came back from college having bad mood I think. He just came into the room (where me and Mom was taking afternoon nap) threw his knapsack on me. And as I rose from bed out of shock, he just gave me a big slap on my left cheek. And then he turned away.... physically hurting another person for no particular reason. He must think that I owed him this in the past life. I remembered I was crying so badly on the bed. I was gasping for air and my hands turned blue cold. Mom was there with me. She saw me crying in that way. Of which all she said to me was "Girl, please stop crying. I beg you to stop crying. I take that slap from your brother. You can just imagine that I was the one slapping you, if that will make you feel better...." She was begging me to transfer the guilt to her, even though she knows clearly that her son should be apologetic from his actions. She want me to blame my own Mother for some crime that my brother did.
Since then, I never dare to cry in presence of anyone else. Never. Because if I did, it's making remember how my Mom beg me to stop.
Sometimes I hate a part of myself. There are times that I'm really feeling so exhausted deep inside and just when I feel like sobbing already; a hell out of nowhere will demand me to be strong, hold back tears, don't cry or else I will fail myself. I don't know where I learned this from. I always see a shadow in me whenever I feel like crying.
I remembered, way back when I was a teenager as when Bro was still a moronic childish chap. He came back from college having bad mood I think. He just came into the room (where me and Mom was taking afternoon nap) threw his knapsack on me. And as I rose from bed out of shock, he just gave me a big slap on my left cheek. And then he turned away.... physically hurting another person for no particular reason. He must think that I owed him this in the past life. I remembered I was crying so badly on the bed. I was gasping for air and my hands turned blue cold. Mom was there with me. She saw me crying in that way. Of which all she said to me was "Girl, please stop crying. I beg you to stop crying. I take that slap from your brother. You can just imagine that I was the one slapping you, if that will make you feel better...." She was begging me to transfer the guilt to her, even though she knows clearly that her son should be apologetic from his actions. She want me to blame my own Mother for some crime that my brother did.
Since then, I never dare to cry in presence of anyone else. Never. Because if I did, it's making remember how my Mom beg me to stop.
I'm down by 3...2...1...
It is always the loneliest moment at night, I wonder why. Maybe during the day, there are countless distractions coming over you - bustling city with so much of noise pollutions around, maid singing as if she's Mariah Carey, phone's beeping signaling someone's trying to locate you and all all sorts of stuffs. Like now, I can even hear myself breathing. My mind has been playing games with me lately, feeling lethargic in the day, but so awake like an owl at night. I read a piece of article at msn just now, these are signs of depression. Wow, I'm depressed. No wonder I caught myself crying while I'm doing this....and I can't find the reason why. Are depressed people often get absent-minded as well?
Gosh, this is even more difficult than deciding to leave Home for Makati. This is suffocating. This is insane. This is about a directionless me. This is insecurity and vulnerability. This is sickening. This is depression.
I need help. Or maybe some insights. Or maybe just plain luck - good luck. I need Your blessings, Guardian Angel.
Gosh, this is even more difficult than deciding to leave Home for Makati. This is suffocating. This is insane. This is about a directionless me. This is insecurity and vulnerability. This is sickening. This is depression.
I need help. Or maybe some insights. Or maybe just plain luck - good luck. I need Your blessings, Guardian Angel.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My life, chapter 27
It's finally confirmed! I'll be back home on 28th January and gosh, I'm counting the days. This felt exactly the same when I knew SuperDad and SuperMom are coming over to visit me at Makati. I couldn't sit still for almost a week, making all sorts of plans to cheer up the day....and this time, I'll fly back HOME....finally....
I came here on 27th July, and now its nearing end of January 2010. It's such a dream! I've fought the worst weather in Makati, learned a job I never thought I'd do well, fall in love again, knew some good/bad people....all in a package here. And the most of everything, I'm such an adult now. I've reached another stage in life here. Something I never thought I would do.
I told a friend today that I'll be leaving Makati soon - for good. Means really go home and never come back for work purpose. She was so shocked and asked "Why...are you really so sad here? Is this place really such a nightmare to you...?" I gave her a grin and said no - not really. I love my encounters here in Makati in fact. This will be my most valuable chapter in life and I'll certainly engrave it deep in my memories. I know one fine day when I'm busy working at KL, I'll still think about this place and give myself a contented smile - If I can make it at The Philippines, what other obstacles that I can't possibly handle anymore? I can be strong. I will be strong.
I will hold my tears if I ever miss Bobby when I'm back home. I will remind myself that we had great time together, for the past 7 months - taking care and accompanying each other when we needed someone most. Our fate brought us all the way to Makati City, and that's where we both know there's still love living in us. It's something we don't express in words, but feel it in our senses. Something call ~ mutual appreciation. Only faith can keep a relationship alive, and I hope we both have it.
I will miss those cozy cool winds blowing everyday at Makati City. I love the shy sun which never blaze too much in the day; always seems to be hiding behind soft clouds. And when evening sets in, it's the most cooling weather of the day. I love the weather here. And I will bring it back to my home country with me.
There are countless things that I love about Makati City. And don't doubt it when I say I'll be back, for whatever reason. For love, for happiness and for memories.
I came here on 27th July, and now its nearing end of January 2010. It's such a dream! I've fought the worst weather in Makati, learned a job I never thought I'd do well, fall in love again, knew some good/bad people....all in a package here. And the most of everything, I'm such an adult now. I've reached another stage in life here. Something I never thought I would do.
I told a friend today that I'll be leaving Makati soon - for good. Means really go home and never come back for work purpose. She was so shocked and asked "Why...are you really so sad here? Is this place really such a nightmare to you...?" I gave her a grin and said no - not really. I love my encounters here in Makati in fact. This will be my most valuable chapter in life and I'll certainly engrave it deep in my memories. I know one fine day when I'm busy working at KL, I'll still think about this place and give myself a contented smile - If I can make it at The Philippines, what other obstacles that I can't possibly handle anymore? I can be strong. I will be strong.
I will hold my tears if I ever miss Bobby when I'm back home. I will remind myself that we had great time together, for the past 7 months - taking care and accompanying each other when we needed someone most. Our fate brought us all the way to Makati City, and that's where we both know there's still love living in us. It's something we don't express in words, but feel it in our senses. Something call ~ mutual appreciation. Only faith can keep a relationship alive, and I hope we both have it.
I will miss those cozy cool winds blowing everyday at Makati City. I love the shy sun which never blaze too much in the day; always seems to be hiding behind soft clouds. And when evening sets in, it's the most cooling weather of the day. I love the weather here. And I will bring it back to my home country with me.
There are countless things that I love about Makati City. And don't doubt it when I say I'll be back, for whatever reason. For love, for happiness and for memories.
Monday, January 11, 2010
An antidote for wholesome happiness
Late last night, I reckoned around half hour past 11, I heard someone crying out loud at the living room. Of course it crossed my mind as something eerie, but as I paid more attention, I realized my housemate Nis was crying.
She was already crying around 8-ish but I thought maybe she's just having some hard time at work and wants to releases the tension a little bit. So I ignored and granted her some personal time there. But the sob went more serious the second time. She was practically sobbing hard, gasping for air. And she cried like a little kid lost at a shopping complex looking for her mommy.
I could not keep it to myself anymore. I knew I must go out and see if she needs someone; maybe a shoulder to cry on. Or maybe she's lonely and so stressed up and need someone to talk. So I walked out from my room and she seems to become shy and uncomfortable knowing that I heard her crying. She insisted that she's okay so I made her a cuppa green tea for soothing effect. And of course, I gave her the personal space again....
I have such strong urge to hug her and cry with her at that time. My first thoughts of her sadness is due to loneliness and stress from work here...and I feel the same way too. Maybe I have not really cried so badly, but I do wish I can just cry out loud and releases whatever jamming in my heart.
But I didn't. I just left her with my blessings of good health, happiness and luck....something I know is crucial for her now...
As for me, I too hope that I'm getting an antidote to this soon. An antidote from well-wishers of love, peace and serenity.
She was already crying around 8-ish but I thought maybe she's just having some hard time at work and wants to releases the tension a little bit. So I ignored and granted her some personal time there. But the sob went more serious the second time. She was practically sobbing hard, gasping for air. And she cried like a little kid lost at a shopping complex looking for her mommy.
I could not keep it to myself anymore. I knew I must go out and see if she needs someone; maybe a shoulder to cry on. Or maybe she's lonely and so stressed up and need someone to talk. So I walked out from my room and she seems to become shy and uncomfortable knowing that I heard her crying. She insisted that she's okay so I made her a cuppa green tea for soothing effect. And of course, I gave her the personal space again....
I have such strong urge to hug her and cry with her at that time. My first thoughts of her sadness is due to loneliness and stress from work here...and I feel the same way too. Maybe I have not really cried so badly, but I do wish I can just cry out loud and releases whatever jamming in my heart.
But I didn't. I just left her with my blessings of good health, happiness and luck....something I know is crucial for her now...
As for me, I too hope that I'm getting an antidote to this soon. An antidote from well-wishers of love, peace and serenity.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
What if the grass is equally green on both sides?
Mom always reminds me not to compare any tangibles with others; it would only make you feel inadequate and loading extra stress on ourselves. Mom says the grass may always looks greener on the other side, because we never know how much effort, tough times and/or hard work people had planted on those soils before it become a piece of green-land....
True, true, true....in short; be contented!
However, every time I make a decision (especially a tough one) I would still weigh which side offers me more happiness, opportunities or simply - advantages. I will see which side has greener grass. Or else, why would human need to think (some don't) prior to making any decision? We somehow make ourselves believe that we must make a better decision than the latter; simply because we can't face the truth that some decisions we make may not offer the best outcome.
Work @ Caspo: Very honestly, there is a piece of me making funny annotations saying that I give up so easily. That's why, I do have a single thought that I want to stay, simply because I haven't proved to myself and others - that I can really make it BIG here...just like the way I did back in KL. If all those morons can make it, what makes you think I can't make it? And the pay is too good to be true. Not much of follow-up stress at work, because we basically never worry about tomorrow's tasks. Work here is like present-tense....and my previous jobs are like present-continuous tense. So, why not?
Work @ KL: I know I know....even I do really make it BIG here...who cares when I'm back to KL? This is not any typical industry we have everywhere...it's internet gaming/gambling. Further, this line has not seduces any of my curiosity as yet...maybe I don't really like the nature of it. Unless if I really want to stay in this circle for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm much more an operational person. I love customer service, events (training) and corporate coordination. I love to play around with my communication skills and enhance my vocabularies in my daily job. This is something that I can't really show-off in Makati. Here it's more on skills, but limited knowledge expansion. There's too much confidentiality here and it's choking me to death! And gawd knows I can't be here forever. I have my family at home waiting for my return. I have my responsibilities at home. The responsibilities much greater than any corporate post available in a company - something called filial piety.
Money & career...which to choose?
Bobby @ Makati: It's more difficult to leave him than leaving my job at Caspo. I'm beginning to enjoy love again when he's here in Makati with me. We lead a life called our very own here....I don't hear his mom shouting when he sleeps late in weekends, I don't care if his sisters and his mom likes me or not, I don't give a damn if they like me more than any other girl they think suits him better, gawd damn if his aunties uncles thinks I'm freak, hail-out to some moron friends that never think we should be together....etc etc etc! I just fall in love again without any buzzing voices flying in my head. It's so magical when you know you are so deeply in love, in a different place, with the same person you have ever loved. It's that feeling when I can't wait for 7.30pm to arrive, because I want to rush home and take a bath - we will be having dinner together. Or to know that he makes me a simple dish/soup whenever he's off-duty and awaits me for dinner together after my work. Or we can just go for a 2a.m. supper irregardless if we have to work tomorrow, because we want to spend time together. Also those crazy times we had at Greenbelt Amusement area..I'm suddenly a pro at shooting games, car racing and Marvel fights...all because of him! And just when it sparks, I'm giving up again. Now stop telling me that long distance relationship works. Because I know it doesn't.
SuperParents @ KL: I nearly chocked my heart out when Joyce told me that daddy misses me very much. Daddy says he's even willing to give me his pension money to support my living should I'm not able to find a job when I'm back. All he wanted is his baby girl back home again...and lead a family life - spends time with his wife, son & daughter...enjoy dinner, watch tv together, chat all sorts of topics....something he didn't have the chance to do much when he need to earn a living to support the family. He worked tirelessly for 30 years...and now nearing his retiring age, all he ever wanted is a close knit family. What did I give him in return?.. making Dad worry sick of me by working abroad. And even silently force him to keep all his worries and misses in his heart - because he dare not tell me; afraid that I might not pay attention at work here.
But parents and Bobby.....who to choose?
Now tell me which side of the grass looks greener to you....I'm suddenly a color blind.
True, true, true....in short; be contented!
However, every time I make a decision (especially a tough one) I would still weigh which side offers me more happiness, opportunities or simply - advantages. I will see which side has greener grass. Or else, why would human need to think (some don't) prior to making any decision? We somehow make ourselves believe that we must make a better decision than the latter; simply because we can't face the truth that some decisions we make may not offer the best outcome.
Work @ Caspo: Very honestly, there is a piece of me making funny annotations saying that I give up so easily. That's why, I do have a single thought that I want to stay, simply because I haven't proved to myself and others - that I can really make it BIG here...just like the way I did back in KL. If all those morons can make it, what makes you think I can't make it? And the pay is too good to be true. Not much of follow-up stress at work, because we basically never worry about tomorrow's tasks. Work here is like present-tense....and my previous jobs are like present-continuous tense. So, why not?
Work @ KL: I know I know....even I do really make it BIG here...who cares when I'm back to KL? This is not any typical industry we have everywhere...it's internet gaming/gambling. Further, this line has not seduces any of my curiosity as yet...maybe I don't really like the nature of it. Unless if I really want to stay in this circle for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm much more an operational person. I love customer service, events (training) and corporate coordination. I love to play around with my communication skills and enhance my vocabularies in my daily job. This is something that I can't really show-off in Makati. Here it's more on skills, but limited knowledge expansion. There's too much confidentiality here and it's choking me to death! And gawd knows I can't be here forever. I have my family at home waiting for my return. I have my responsibilities at home. The responsibilities much greater than any corporate post available in a company - something called filial piety.
Money & career...which to choose?
Bobby @ Makati: It's more difficult to leave him than leaving my job at Caspo. I'm beginning to enjoy love again when he's here in Makati with me. We lead a life called our very own here....I don't hear his mom shouting when he sleeps late in weekends, I don't care if his sisters and his mom likes me or not, I don't give a damn if they like me more than any other girl they think suits him better, gawd damn if his aunties uncles thinks I'm freak, hail-out to some moron friends that never think we should be together....etc etc etc! I just fall in love again without any buzzing voices flying in my head. It's so magical when you know you are so deeply in love, in a different place, with the same person you have ever loved. It's that feeling when I can't wait for 7.30pm to arrive, because I want to rush home and take a bath - we will be having dinner together. Or to know that he makes me a simple dish/soup whenever he's off-duty and awaits me for dinner together after my work. Or we can just go for a 2a.m. supper irregardless if we have to work tomorrow, because we want to spend time together. Also those crazy times we had at Greenbelt Amusement area..I'm suddenly a pro at shooting games, car racing and Marvel fights...all because of him! And just when it sparks, I'm giving up again. Now stop telling me that long distance relationship works. Because I know it doesn't.
SuperParents @ KL: I nearly chocked my heart out when Joyce told me that daddy misses me very much. Daddy says he's even willing to give me his pension money to support my living should I'm not able to find a job when I'm back. All he wanted is his baby girl back home again...and lead a family life - spends time with his wife, son & daughter...enjoy dinner, watch tv together, chat all sorts of topics....something he didn't have the chance to do much when he need to earn a living to support the family. He worked tirelessly for 30 years...and now nearing his retiring age, all he ever wanted is a close knit family. What did I give him in return?.. making Dad worry sick of me by working abroad. And even silently force him to keep all his worries and misses in his heart - because he dare not tell me; afraid that I might not pay attention at work here.
But parents and Bobby.....who to choose?
Now tell me which side of the grass looks greener to you....I'm suddenly a color blind.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Sis~miss U !
I'm getting so restless now. I wish I can just rush to Clarke Airport now and grab myself a one-way ticket ~~~ all the way back to KL and never ever leave HOME again....
Sis had very bad encounter with her moron brother yesterday; I'm feeling as angry and at the same time, wished I could be with her at times she needs me. Well, we can't really be physically with each other all the time, but it was just a call away between us. But now.....things are so not the same!
The brother is also another moron, childish chap. If you peep from his left ear, you'll be able to see the other side through his right ear - because there's practically no brains in between to block your view....Hmmppphh!
I know if we were online with each other that time, I will be able to crack some jokes with her so she don't feel so bad after all....Or I can also join the row and blurt all sorts of foul languages that both of us can possibly think of...at least to share out a piece of Sis emotions.....
But now....we both know distance is parting us. And what am I still doing here...?
Sis had very bad encounter with her moron brother yesterday; I'm feeling as angry and at the same time, wished I could be with her at times she needs me. Well, we can't really be physically with each other all the time, but it was just a call away between us. But now.....things are so not the same!
The brother is also another moron, childish chap. If you peep from his left ear, you'll be able to see the other side through his right ear - because there's practically no brains in between to block your view....Hmmppphh!
I know if we were online with each other that time, I will be able to crack some jokes with her so she don't feel so bad after all....Or I can also join the row and blurt all sorts of foul languages that both of us can possibly think of...at least to share out a piece of Sis emotions.....
But now....we both know distance is parting us. And what am I still doing here...?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
So fast~~ Wayne's a Primary school kidz!
The naughty brat is going to school tomorrow - Officially! Phew....time flies, especially when you have children around you. I always think that kids are lively calendar bomb for adults; because they speedily reminds you on how much you have aged.
I'm equally nervous for him. I bought him a Ben 10 school bag prior to my departure to Makati, and *blink blink* He's using the bag tomorrow! I thought it will take much more time for him to use that bag. I remembered warning him to be a good boy while Ah Jeh (me!) is not around or else Mommy won't let him use the Ben 10 when he goes to school....And now, he's already going to school.
I still remember when he was a tiny slimy naughty crazy infant; I hold him in my arms and he just doze off on my chest.....Cute, but naughty brat. gawd, he grow so fast....
I'm equally nervous for him. I bought him a Ben 10 school bag prior to my departure to Makati, and *blink blink* He's using the bag tomorrow! I thought it will take much more time for him to use that bag. I remembered warning him to be a good boy while Ah Jeh (me!) is not around or else Mommy won't let him use the Ben 10 when he goes to school....And now, he's already going to school.
I still remember when he was a tiny slimy naughty crazy infant; I hold him in my arms and he just doze off on my chest.....Cute, but naughty brat. gawd, he grow so fast....
Can we really determine our own destiny?
Believe. Fate is in your own hands!
I saw the above quote in an unknown advertisement. I don't know what's the selling point of the Ad, but it made me shivers a little and wonder; Do I really have fate in my own hands? Well, if yes, then the Ad must be trying to sell some kind of hand wash liquid due to the H1N1 or something....or it could be any mega boomers trying to penetrate into the competitive trade market by using such loud tag-line. How can I be sure that if I believe YOU, then fate will slip into my hands?
I never believe that fate is in my own hands. If fate is tangible, then why can't I be the girl I wanted to be? If I can get hold of fate, then why am I still struggling in this endless rat race, still finding a path that I can walk with ease, and at the same time capture the best love I never had time to have? I'm now turning my both dry due to lack of moisture -HANDS- and all I see are ten crooked fingers with much scars and scratches due to years of work productivity!
"I believe that every decision we make in our daily encounters leads to multiple probabilities of fate in our life" -yennyhofy-
Yeah, I'm making my own quote. But ain't it is true that this vacuum of truth that lies beneath our fate is an equation of every single decision we make in our life?
You wake up in the morning, and you need to decide what to wear for work - which directly determines your fate later. Your boss may praise that you dresses professionally at work, but that bitch that sit at the other corner says you look like a slut (maybe she's jealous that boss praises you instead of her "bitch"). Then when finally lunch hour breaks in, you need to decide if you want that fast but fattening McD, or enjoy a good healthy expensive set lunch at Délifrance. Either decision will lead you to the same fate : you fill your stomach, but what then? You suddenly get 5 pound heavier, or you cure that cancer cell by taking just salads?
Decision Decision Decision ...!
And even you have decided, you are never guaranteed to get the kind of "fate" you have expected it to be. Because other than YOU yourself, there are many external contributions affecting your final result. So, in the end, we are just mere decision-makers living a life we call our very own - but we never really create our own fate at all.
Since I don't really hold my own fate in my own hands, I may as well make decisions I will never regret (or so it seems). Never look back, and if I do - it's just to check if that bitch is still calling me a slut in the office....and decide if I should walk over and give a big slap to her big mouth. Which determines another fate then....
P/S: the "bitch" is not related to any living person whom may know the author, either dead or alive. Ia cuma adalah rekaan semata-mata untuk hiburan para pembaca....sekian.
I saw the above quote in an unknown advertisement. I don't know what's the selling point of the Ad, but it made me shivers a little and wonder; Do I really have fate in my own hands? Well, if yes, then the Ad must be trying to sell some kind of hand wash liquid due to the H1N1 or something....or it could be any mega boomers trying to penetrate into the competitive trade market by using such loud tag-line. How can I be sure that if I believe YOU, then fate will slip into my hands?
I never believe that fate is in my own hands. If fate is tangible, then why can't I be the girl I wanted to be? If I can get hold of fate, then why am I still struggling in this endless rat race, still finding a path that I can walk with ease, and at the same time capture the best love I never had time to have? I'm now turning my both dry due to lack of moisture -HANDS- and all I see are ten crooked fingers with much scars and scratches due to years of work productivity!
"I believe that every decision we make in our daily encounters leads to multiple probabilities of fate in our life" -yennyhofy-
Yeah, I'm making my own quote. But ain't it is true that this vacuum of truth that lies beneath our fate is an equation of every single decision we make in our life?
You wake up in the morning, and you need to decide what to wear for work - which directly determines your fate later. Your boss may praise that you dresses professionally at work, but that bitch that sit at the other corner says you look like a slut (maybe she's jealous that boss praises you instead of her "bitch"). Then when finally lunch hour breaks in, you need to decide if you want that fast but fattening McD, or enjoy a good healthy expensive set lunch at Délifrance. Either decision will lead you to the same fate : you fill your stomach, but what then? You suddenly get 5 pound heavier, or you cure that cancer cell by taking just salads?
Decision Decision Decision ...!
And even you have decided, you are never guaranteed to get the kind of "fate" you have expected it to be. Because other than YOU yourself, there are many external contributions affecting your final result. So, in the end, we are just mere decision-makers living a life we call our very own - but we never really create our own fate at all.
Since I don't really hold my own fate in my own hands, I may as well make decisions I will never regret (or so it seems). Never look back, and if I do - it's just to check if that bitch is still calling me a slut in the office....and decide if I should walk over and give a big slap to her big mouth. Which determines another fate then....
P/S: the "bitch" is not related to any living person whom may know the author, either dead or alive. Ia cuma adalah rekaan semata-mata untuk hiburan para pembaca....sekian.
Friday, January 1, 2010
What did I do on 1st day of 2010?
1. I wear a new pair of sandals this morning and walked my first steps in the morning 10.18 a.m. This is my yearly ritual of chai-siu-yan : Chinese believes that if you wear a new pair of shoe on first day of New Year, the new shoe will step away all bad things, inclusive of those jinx that spoils your days....P/S: This belief actually applicable on Chinese Lunar New Year, but for Ms. Yenny Ho, why waste the chance of getting rid of bad lucks twice a year....hehehe...*naughty grin*
2. Changed my PC password at work to *H2010* - hoping I would be home very soon this coming 2010....I miss home so much!
3. Had prawn for dinner (Bobby cooked it ^.^ ha!) so that I won't get bullied by anyone anymore, and for those who bullied me and may have the intention to bully me, may they be "crushed" like the prawns I ate and famished into piles of shit later!
4. Enjoy a great night with Bobby tonight, not doing anything special but watch movie together......
5. Then go to sleep lor....
Note: No. 4 and No. 5 is not directly related.....
Well, HapPY NeW YeAr 2010! Lots of HaPpIneSs ... pInKy HeaLth ... $$ ... I MisS HoMe!!!!
2. Changed my PC password at work to *H2010* - hoping I would be home very soon this coming 2010....I miss home so much!
3. Had prawn for dinner (Bobby cooked it ^.^ ha!) so that I won't get bullied by anyone anymore, and for those who bullied me and may have the intention to bully me, may they be "crushed" like the prawns I ate and famished into piles of shit later!
4. Enjoy a great night with Bobby tonight, not doing anything special but watch movie together......
5. Then go to sleep lor....
Note: No. 4 and No. 5 is not directly related.....
Well, HapPY NeW YeAr 2010! Lots of HaPpIneSs ... pInKy HeaLth ... $$ ... I MisS HoMe!!!!
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