everywhere you go..

Everywhere you go 

a piece of my soul follows

Down to the sea

Dancing in glee

You said, baby look that's sharky!

and there I am following 

everywhere you go

Everywhere you go 

my heart ties a pretty ribbon

a gift so sweet you've given

like bunny slides into chocolate heaven

hooray ! world of candies, marshmallows and lollipops

And there you are, taken my heart to

everywhere you go

Everywhere you go

Hold my hand and soar me high

Fly me up up up to the sky!

And there sunshine rays

let's hear what chirpy chip chip has to say

oh singing songs of love

melodies carry me and follows

everywhere you go

Everywhere you go

you'd bring me to

but there is only place where I'd wanted 

somewhere only close to you

everywhere you go...

for hubby

©ar•te•nus\

letter from the Memoir

Hey dude,

I am dedicating this for the Future. In so much Hope that this will magically soothe all Pain and Disappointment that you have been through. There will be a vacuum of Memories, that cannot be left behind. And the same ol' fashion words of Bereavement will come to you. At that moment of Lost, there is nothing more precious than Silence, but that can be rare then. Even if people are not speaking to you, your Inner voice would Haunt you down. It preys on the Weak one, and it will be more difficult to even lift your lashes. You just want to Sleep, and never  wake up. Your Dreams are much kinder than reality. 

Let me share this Story with you:

I met a guy at the bar one day, he seems to be very composed yet chatty. And there he cracked a very simple but funny joke. We all laughed mad. That was a good one. And then several minutes later, he cracked that same joke. Some laughed, and others thought awhile. And soon later, he cracked the same joke again, exactly. This time no one laughed. I can't help but asked him why. No one will laugh at a repeating joke! He said, "yea, that's true. No one laugh at the same thing more than once or twice. But then, tell me why would people want to cry for the same pain, again and over again?"

And thus I said, "Tears are words that can't be spoken because it is too agonizing to even think of how to describe it"

Well, yes it feels better when Tears roll down cheeks. But it feels better Temporarily. One day, when you find the courage to describe those Pain in

words...you are truly Free. 

Spread your wings, and let down the Past. Flap your wings, and live for your Future. 

 

Sincerely,

your Present

©ar•te•nus\

en·clo·sure [en-kloh-zher]

Today.... This dusk, I have stood by the bay
where the last leaf falls,
fallen from the empire of spring
back to earth, return to only soil
so original...so far away

It takes only so much courage
beneath this weary soul
so breathless, searching nonetheless
that long lost doomed world of trust
Imaginations, dreams...dreams far away imaginative
fire burns in shackle of lies...
rain envelopes every drop of impurity
en route freedom, of no return

Plant a seed, let live
Let breath, every single gasp of life
Let love, every moment of reminiscence
never way backwards, only forth
marching through all dust of doubts
End this war within this weary soul.....
Let go

Thunders roars...concealing jittery heart beat
of mine...here
I can step out now....for I have retreated with victory
Somehow fidgety, am waiting
this small little hands....
will be gloved with that ensuring palms
yet again...and again...
forever

© ar•te•nus\

Quote the day

I am screaming within

There are really too many things that a smart women shouldn't know. Adversely, a stupid women often looks more demure, adorable and wanted. Because they are just plain, if not stupid. C'mon sisters, this is not an attack note. This is just a single stone dropped into a still pond, muddles are formed. I am caught in the muddle.

Sometimes, I write to remind myself of things. Sometimes, I write to forget things. Irregardless, these are just some very personal outputs. Pardon me.

I often have no idea what's a perfect relationship all about. I am naively vague because I have never believed in perfections, I believe only the right thing to do (or to know, in this context). I don't know what bygones are bygones, because the perfect scenarios are now, here and it is. I believe in reincarnation, but I beieve more in karma. There must be a reason for every decisions made, and the effects are only raised thereafter. It startled me, I might be wrong. So so fucking wrong. I am never this sure that I am wrong, but things get worse when I am 'fucking' wrong. I am screaming within. Can you hear me?

I was just asked to raise my pen about honesty and trust in a recent forum. Being akwardly smart (as I am perceived) I have brushed that forum with flying colors. I am very proud when the crookies 'liked' my column, and I have a gang of unwittingly smart seniors supporting me as always. They are my virtual victory. That is when I feel total transparency. I don't utter, I don't pause, I don't have second thaughts when I write. But only when I write. WHY I can't be this when I speak. If only I can. If only I want?

I don't want to talk about my past because I don't want to appear smart (or stupid) irregardless. If all of us are here for some karmic reason in our past lives, don't you think there are too many past chapters to reveal, afterall? When will all these epic gonna come to a close?

But I am screaming within, because I am burdened by your past into my future. I am questioning every logic of how could this be this way. As it is now? Can I just live in now, and march forward to whatever fucking future it may take ahead? Why let me have a grasp of something I was not (and never be) in a picture in the past? I am very exhausted by your past, even suffocating. Stop feeding me your past, please. This makes a difference between a smart women and a stupid women. A smart women don't need to know your past. Because once she does, she feels outright like a fucking dumb blonde. Flat stupid. And you know how painful it is for a smart women to know she is indeed stupid afterall? Worse, I tell you. Worse than a stupid women suddenly finds that she is indeed kinda smart in certain ways. Voila!

I feel like a substitute, or even worse. You know, those substitute in a soccer game that is never called upon by that bald manager? Yeah, something like that.
I feel like a toy, or even worse. You know, those toy that are back handed at home, where no one really wanna drop by and give a sincere hug. Yeah, something like that.
I feel like a fool, or even worse. You know, those fool that thinks only the beautiful things, but in fact everyone knows how unworthy and second class you are. Yeah, something like that.
I feel like a dreamer, or even worse. I am always dreaming about such positive dreams, that goodness begets goodness. No, things can be somewhat ugly, but I didn't see it that way. I should learn to be today.

I so wished that I am forever living in the virtual world. My world of lotsa lotsa lotsa writings. A place where I can be truthful, and say what I mean, and be mean with whatever I say. That is like nirvana.

I wish more for a world where fairness prevails. Where good intentions will blossomed in good reactions. Only good karma creates more good karma. A place where I am loved for, and truly loved for. So truly that it is a good karmic effect. So as when I leave, I'd leave with nothing but just love. Pure love, Pure intentions.

© ar•te•nus\