Branding spells cast

I am not a spendthrift. I am not a shopaholic. I am not uncontrollable. Confession ends. Amen.

Today, I made a story and told it to a very important person in my life. The story goes:

I bet you knew that all Casinos around the world are "protected" by some powerful Feng Shui, a notation to it's business success all year round. Irregardless if the Casino is indeed operated by a foreigner a.k.a kwai lo...I am more than just sure that there is some kind of positioning in the premise. But hush hush...apart from feng shui, there are unseen paranormal beings hallowing in Casinos too. Yeah, we chinese call it "guai jai" or little ghost of lost souls...wandering at the premise. Be honest, if you are in a Casino - you'll either lost the sense of time, and/or you don't feel like leaving already while you are either winning or losing monies. It's either you don't play at all in the casino, or you will be dreaded to leave your heavy ass. Right?

I am now telling you the essence of my story. It's a fact. Be ready.

Apparently, all branded boutiques applied casino's wonderful tactic too. Head's definitely not nodding if you are about to say "feng shui...?" No, it's not feng shui. Branded boutiques like LV, Coach, Burberry, Zara, MNG, Guess, DKNY....listless, they don't need feng shui at all! It's the latter -- guai jais....with "s" because not only one. Well, the guai jais work in a different SOP as compared to those at the casinos. The guai jai will be speaking, or literally whispering to your ear and say "buy this tote...buy this bag...buy this boots..I know you don't need it, but hell who cares? you NEED this because it will make you feel better~~~" and so it goes. Your hands trembling, grasping the air as if you can't breath. Headed straight to the counter and pull your plastic card out. Once the cashier hand the shopping bag to you, it was all relief, and you really do feel better about yourself. But little did you know, the guai jai actually stayed in the shopping bag, and followed you home. Because after a month or so...guai jai will make you start hearing things again. The voice says " Go...go shopping again. You need NEW things. You don't want those old things to stuff your wardrobe, don't you...? There's new season offer out there~~~ go...go....."

And after that, I rest my case.

Re-generating Metta

I have wasted too much time feeling lost, deliberating unforeseen outcomes, worrying worthless agendas and carrying too much burden. Things that I have been too conscious about previously meant nothing serious to people I have cared for. I wasn't any big deal if I were to say things I have in mind earlier...rather than always waiting for the right time.

There is no right time, and there will never be the right time.

"Choose : Saying something you meant to say now and regret it later; or regret it later for not saying it now?" -- Phanida Suwanarat

I was so moved by Selina's courage and optimism in living through her 3rd degree burn. I remembered how I complained for having a pimple on my face, and that freaking sound I squeaked when I was recuperating from my less-than-3 inches cysts removing surgery. Well, maybe Selina threw her tantrums too but I believe it is never any easier than any pimples or laser cut.

Should any circumstances may befall me unknown, I am wondering now why should I waste so much time contemplating things I shouldn't even fret about. If living my this very life can be free as a bird, sealed from externalizations and demotivating opinions -- I would have saved more of those ticking seconds & minutes to say, to be, to do and to react upon real people who matters to me most.

I know you love me, and you know I love all of you. If you can feel what I say, you've got a piece of love cookie from me from this moment. Keep it with you, and redeem it with more of my time and precious events spent with you...

Metta.

p/s: metta to Selina Ren too. You may not know me, but you know the universal language call love. Metta and speed recovery, Selina.

I am so lost !

I am bored. I am so bored that I am forcing myself to write something about feeling bored. Urrgghh..

I have lost a fair amount of interest at work. There are whole tons of doubts playing in my mind tonight. I've thought about the imbalance distribution of recognition and remuneration at work. I've analyzed why some dumb people can be seated highly and still not-so-smartly commands people to work. I've asked myself if I need a break from this corporate affair, and make really deep thinking what I want to do next. I've even questioned myself what I want to be in 5 years....10 years time from now. It crossed my mind if I should take up some professional courses to recharge myself.

But yet, what's so mega about being in the working field for 10 years? Dad has been working his quarter life away, yet he never complained about directionless. Dad had courageously face each (boring and tedious) working days with much enthusiasm, because Dad knows the pay check will feed his family with good health and happiness. Dad's got responsibilities to bear, and yet he never complained. So what am I now? A naggy grandma?

I keep on convincing myself that things will be better when I'm home. I mean, I may be experiencing all these hormonal messiness because I do not have my responsibility (parents) with me. That's why I am swayed once in awhile.

But coming to think of it, it shivers me with the fact if I'm finally home and JOBLESS -- what kind of shit I am putting myself into? So I will begin to worry to death, and just grab any job opportunity that I can get. Simply get a job....I need money to survive. So which is which then? Do I need a job because of money, or do I need time to think about a job?

And easily anticipated, I will end up feeling and thinking as exactly the way I am now. I will be worrying, start complaining, and doubt if I am directionless. I will begin to ask questions like a mad cow. And once more, I will be sitting (at somewhere) blogging, saying : I AM SO LOST!