So fast, it's already a month since I last said "I'm giving up". I am giving in, I didn't give up.
I am giving in to many things I wouldn't think I would give up to. Giving in about giving up on a desired lifestyle I wanted to have. Giving all in about giving up on an expected result not earned to have.
Just like loneliness itself. I didn't give up because I feel lonely, but I gave in to this life I called lonesome. Well, as I blended in and try to let things be the way it is, I don't feel so bad anymore, after all. Loneliness, is in fact, some kind of way to living too.
Routine. I first thought I would go hysteric! But I survived. Routine is a schedule too. I didn't give up because I will be doing (almost) the same thing everyday, I gave in to less colorful days. If rainbow has 7 colors, I've got 2 and that ain't a very bad thing!
Hypocrisy, I was totally allergic to this. Give up? No! I gave in and joined the party. Someone told me "As you age in this corporate world, all you need is more masks to reveal less of yourself". I love the statement, and I love the person. he knows what to say at (most) of the right time. hahs!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
需要人陪 , yenny's version
一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
梦想 Mèng Xiǎng
I doubt if anyone could live along without dreams, or aspirations of what the future should be like. I asked a 5 year old kid about what she thinks about the future is, she said "I'd love to have all those barbie dolls in my room, sleeping with me in the room, when I grow up!" Cheeky, but refreshing answer. Naughty brat Wayne might aspire to live a day without curfew on his PS3 video games, and lots of cola for the day. Some other people look forward to setting up of a family, some others awaiting a newborn to add spice to the family, and others anxiously waiting to be 60 years of retirement age!
My dream....I don't know. I really don't. No matter how short term a goal I've set to accomplished, or what long term plans I have in mind -- things just seems too vague to materialize. If life is so unpredictable, why plan? If life is all about struggling to earn a penny more to be a footstep closer to happiness, why taken aback?
If I only dream to be happy, be with some one happy...how many pennies are needed to achieve that? Optimist are yelling at this juncture thinking I am so material. But tell me, if money can't buy love...can u marry a beggar on the street?
I have no more strenght to dream. Only when I sleep, maybe.
方向 Fāng Xiàng
Let's talk about direction. Let's get a GPS. LOL. So lame. Not funny.
Well, at least I am not lost. I know what I need to do now and next. Get a car, get a job. Get my time filled. And wait.....Wait for dream come true. To know what is dream all about, refer above. I don't even know which directions leads to the ultimatum dream, but it doesn't take too much energy to "dream a little dream of you"..
眼泪 Yǎn Lèi
Tears are the liquid product of a process of crying to clean and lubricate the eyes. The word lacrimation (from L. Lacrima, meaning tear) (also spelled lachrymation) may also be used in a medical or literary sense to refer to crying. Strong emotions, such as sorrow or elation, may lead to crying (Wikipedia.org).
Someone I know dearly, doesn't like me crying. As far as I know, he was never pleased with the sight and sound of somebody crying...or me precisely. He thinks crying is an activity so wasteful of time and emotions, and nothing can be helped just by crying. Because of him, I've learned, and still trying not to cry. I've hold back tears whenever I can, and he made me a stronger meek that I could ever imagined.
But deep inside me, I think crying is just a way for releasing an outburst later. I know it couldn't help anything, but at least I've acknowledge that I am not happy, or I was sad...and I'm trying to balance off that feeling.
I haven't been crying for too long, I am feeling the hypocrisy again. When I try to shed tears, I hear him saying I've got nothing to cry for...so I shouldn't. But yet, another piece of me is very very tired. I am so tired because I want to find a shoulder to cry again. A shoulder that supports me for who I am, for telling me I can be weak, I can cry. And then...a gentle pat on my head telling me...the future is still worth fighting for. I am not alone.
有时候, 我也会怕安静 ...
梦想 Mèng Xiǎng
I doubt if anyone could live along without dreams, or aspirations of what the future should be like. I asked a 5 year old kid about what she thinks about the future is, she said "I'd love to have all those barbie dolls in my room, sleeping with me in the room, when I grow up!" Cheeky, but refreshing answer. Naughty brat Wayne might aspire to live a day without curfew on his PS3 video games, and lots of cola for the day. Some other people look forward to setting up of a family, some others awaiting a newborn to add spice to the family, and others anxiously waiting to be 60 years of retirement age!
My dream....I don't know. I really don't. No matter how short term a goal I've set to accomplished, or what long term plans I have in mind -- things just seems too vague to materialize. If life is so unpredictable, why plan? If life is all about struggling to earn a penny more to be a footstep closer to happiness, why taken aback?
If I only dream to be happy, be with some one happy...how many pennies are needed to achieve that? Optimist are yelling at this juncture thinking I am so material. But tell me, if money can't buy love...can u marry a beggar on the street?
I have no more strenght to dream. Only when I sleep, maybe.
方向 Fāng Xiàng
Let's talk about direction. Let's get a GPS. LOL. So lame. Not funny.
Well, at least I am not lost. I know what I need to do now and next. Get a car, get a job. Get my time filled. And wait.....Wait for dream come true. To know what is dream all about, refer above. I don't even know which directions leads to the ultimatum dream, but it doesn't take too much energy to "dream a little dream of you"..
眼泪 Yǎn Lèi
Tears are the liquid product of a process of crying to clean and lubricate the eyes. The word lacrimation (from L. Lacrima, meaning tear) (also spelled lachrymation) may also be used in a medical or literary sense to refer to crying. Strong emotions, such as sorrow or elation, may lead to crying (Wikipedia.org).
Someone I know dearly, doesn't like me crying. As far as I know, he was never pleased with the sight and sound of somebody crying...or me precisely. He thinks crying is an activity so wasteful of time and emotions, and nothing can be helped just by crying. Because of him, I've learned, and still trying not to cry. I've hold back tears whenever I can, and he made me a stronger meek that I could ever imagined.
But deep inside me, I think crying is just a way for releasing an outburst later. I know it couldn't help anything, but at least I've acknowledge that I am not happy, or I was sad...and I'm trying to balance off that feeling.
I haven't been crying for too long, I am feeling the hypocrisy again. When I try to shed tears, I hear him saying I've got nothing to cry for...so I shouldn't. But yet, another piece of me is very very tired. I am so tired because I want to find a shoulder to cry again. A shoulder that supports me for who I am, for telling me I can be weak, I can cry. And then...a gentle pat on my head telling me...the future is still worth fighting for. I am not alone.
有时候, 我也会怕安静 ...
需要人陪
一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
yī gè wǒ xū yào mèng xiǎng xū yào fāng xiàng xū yào yǎn lèi
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
gèng xū yào yī gè rén lái diǎn liàng tiān de hēi
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
wǒ yǐ jīng wú néng wéi lì wú fǎ kàng jù wú lù kě tuì
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪
zhè wú shēng de yè xiàn zài de wǒ xū yào rén péi
yī gè wǒ xū yào mèng xiǎng xū yào fāng xiàng xū yào yǎn lèi
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
gèng xū yào yī gè rén lái diǎn liàng tiān de hēi
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
wǒ yǐ jīng wú néng wéi lì wú fǎ kàng jù wú lù kě tuì
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪
zhè wú shēng de yè xiàn zài de wǒ xū yào rén péi
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